![\"\"](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Schritt-fuer-Schritt-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen.-300x225.jpg\")
\u00a0Every step counts<\/h5>\nStep by Step Towards Your Goal<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nStep by step \u2013 turn your goals into reality. Change doesn\u2019t need the perfect moment \u2013 it needs a first step. And then another. What matters is taking small, manageable steps on the way to your goal, and filling them with positive experiences. That\u2019s what keeps us going. Step by step towards your goal \u2013 every single step counts.<\/p>\n
What to Expect in This Post<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nWhat does a car accident have to do with goals? And why do researchers say that we often stand in our own way \u2013 even when the will is there? In this post, you\u2019ll find out what\u2019s behind it all. You’ll get insights from research, a personal story \u2013 and practical tips to help you find your own way forward. Step by step.<\/p>\n
Set the bar really low<\/span><\/h4>\nAccording to behavioural scientist BJ Fogg it is crucial to set the bar really low if you want to be successful when developing new habits. “If you set the bar too high, you set yourself up to fail,” says Fogg. I read first about him in the Magazine Psychologies<\/a> <\/span>(issue February 2020). BJ Fogg is the director of the Stanford Behavior Design Lag, Mike Krieger, the co-founder of Instagram attended his boot camp of the same name. And he also points out that consistency matters as well as the emotion behind the habit. We’re more likely to develop new habits when we have positive associations with them, right?<\/p>\n\u2666 Consistency is key \u2013 sticking with something is essential if we want to reach our goals. And we\u2019re far more likely to keep going if the experience is linked to something positive. I learned that first-hand a few years ago. \u2013 More on that below: how I overcame my fear after a car accident. \u2666<\/p>\n
When Goals Overlook the Unpredictable<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nNeuroscientist, entrepreneur and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff (Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World<\/em><\/span><\/a>) has explored the topic of goal-setting in depth. Traditional goal systems often assume that life is predictable. But it isn\u2019t. That\u2019s why we so often set goals that are too rigid or too ambitious \u2013 and it comes at a cost: instead of feeling motivated, we end up under pressure, overwhelmed, and even burnt out. What we need are more flexible and creative approaches that allow for both personal and professional growth \u2013 with space for curiosity and change.<\/p>\nCuriosity, Openness & Consistency: The Path to Success<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nAnne-Laure Le Cunff suggests turning goals into experiments. Start small, stay curious, and be willing to change direction. Success comes from doing and learning, from trying things out and sticking with them \u2013 not from rigidly reaching a predefined goal. This approach takes the pressure off and helps us keep going, even when the path ahead isn\u2019t entirely clear. That\u2019s how consistency develops \u2013 and from consistency, new habits emerge.<\/p>\n
From my own experience: when we don\u2019t cling rigidly to a goal, we stay alert and in flow. Our senses become more attuned, we respond more openly to whatever comes our way, and we\u2019re able to take advantage of opportunities that appear along the journey. Success comes from doing \u2013 not from holding on to fixed plans.<\/p>\n
For Le Cunff, motivation isn\u2019t the key driver. What matters far more is having a system that still works when motivation is low. Routines help \u2013 like doing a bit of yoga in the morning, even on days when it feels like you\u2019ve got nothing to give. The main thing is to keep going. That\u2019s how solid habits form.<\/p>\n
The Generation Effect<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nDuring her neuroscience training, Anne-Laure Le Cunff came across the so-called Generation Effect<\/em> \u2013 a psychological phenomenon that shows we remember information better when we actively work it out for ourselves, rather than simply consuming it passively.<\/p>\n![\"Schritt](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Generation-Effekt-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x199.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
What I\u2019d Like to Add from My Own Practice<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nFrom my work with clients, there are two things I\u2019ve found especially important for pursuing goals in a sustainable way:<\/p>\n
\n- \n
We\u2019re allowed to make mistakes<\/strong> \u2013 even to fail \u2013 and learn from it. The alternative? Doing nothing. And that means staying stuck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Let\u2019s be kind to ourselves<\/strong>. Let\u2019s treat ourselves with the same compassion and encouragement we would offer others. That\u2019s a powerful force for keeping going.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nThis second point is especially close to my heart \u2013 because I often see people giving up, not because they can\u2019t do it, but because they\u2019re their own harshest critic.<\/p>\n
And now, a personal story:<\/p>\n
Driving to England \u2013 How I Overcame My Fear Af<\/span>ter a Car Accident<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nA couple of years ago I got a grant from the EU for a training course in England. I\u2019d been to England many times before but never had I driven myself. The course would be in August, so I started practising in April. Some years before I had had a car accident. I was badly concussed with a broken nose and a painful whiplash injury. I only remember that I made the police look for my then 5-year-old son who I thought was with me which he wasn\u2019t, he was at a friend\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n
I woke up again in the ambulance and wanted to get out, I had to pick up my son, so I thought, and then woke up again in hospital because the treatment of my nose was rather painful. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days. I\u2019ve passed the scene of the accident many times, still no memories but for a long time an unpleasant feeling of anxiety stayed with me while driving.<\/p>\n
Well, as mentioned above I had the chance to drive to England. My first trip in April was to take my family to our friends in Switzerland. I had never driven for such a long time before, I was completely exhausted when I arrived there after a 4 \u00bd-hour drive. Our friends had prepared a wonderful barbecue for us. No food for me, I just went to bed, I felt slightly sick as I had been so tense.<\/p>\n
About two months later I went to nearby Andernach with my family, only a 1 \u00bd-hours drive from us, no big deal really. But for whatever reason I felt extremely anxious. Driving on the left lane, overtaking other cars, everything seemed so fast and the lanes so narrow. What if I caused an accident with my family in the car? I didn\u2019t exactly panic but I was probably close.<\/p>\n
The Moment Something Clicked in My Brain<\/span><\/h4>\nMy last chance to practise a longer distance drive would be in July, on our way back from the Black Forest. Again I was driving with my family. And again I was driving on the left lane when, all of a sudden, I thought: Why driving on the left lane, why putting yourself under pressure when you can drive on the right lane? Sure it\u2019ll take longer to come home but so what?<\/p>\n
\u2666 That was what I did and it took all the pressure from me. It felt like something had shifted in my mind. I was relaxed when I drove us home. I am a very performance-oriented person. Taking away the pressure off me did the trick, but it took some time to get there. \u2666<\/p>\n
![\"auto](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Autofahrt-schritt-fuer-schritt-zum-ziel-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x200.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Our big day had finally arrived. I would drive to England with my son, knowing that he would be an excellent navigator. I felt well prepared. We had planned a lot of extra time, so that we would arrive in Calais in good time for the ferry to Dover. That would give me the chance to have a break every 90 minutes.\u00a0We enjoyed a relaxed drive through the Netherlands and Belgium, but as soon as we reached France, everything shifted abruptly.<\/p>\n
Didn\u2019t see the unexpected coming<\/span><\/h4>\nAll traffic was redirected by the police; we all had to leave the motorway, pass heavily armed soldiers, go around a roundabout, and then rejoin the motorway. There had been the most terrible terrorist attacks in France before, so the French didn\u2019t take any risks. A huge traffic jam made any breaks impossible, coming closer to the port, all service stations were closed, so no break and no more buffer.<\/p>\n
Still, I stayed calm and had faith that everything would go well. Once in Calais, we could get on a later ferry, and everything went well. We arrived at Twickenham, London in good time, stayed with friends there before we spent the day in London the following day – I drove into London by car! – and later a 2-hour journey to Cheltenham after an exhausting (but also interesting) car spotting tour with my son through London\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
Had I known beforehand that the French border control would take so long and no chance to have a break, I would have been completely overwhelmed. But taking things as they came, I arrived in England tired but otherwise fine. After a 13 1\/2-hour drive I deserved to be tired.<\/p>\n
Apart from now driving mostly comfortably and yes, I\u2019ve been to England again, in fact, I quite enjoy driving in England, I took away very valuable lessons, lessons for life.<\/p>\n
![\"Ein](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Nicht-ganz-so-perfekt-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x236.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
What helped me:<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- Take small, manageable steps<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
In my coaching training we called them baby steps<\/strong>. Most of our projects fail because we expect too much from ourselves. Driving to England mightn\u2019t sound like a big deal for other people but it was for me, a very big one. Once I took the pressure away from me, I succeeded.<\/p>\n\n- My Own Cheerleader<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Believing in myself \u2013 even when the inner voice sounded a bit weak. And being kind to myself, regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n
\n- Practice Makes Perfect<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
We need moments of success to keep going \u2013 and those come with practice.<\/p>\n
\n- A question of perspective <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Most of the time it is not the plan itself that causes stress but our accompanying thoughts. When I take a different, more detached perspective, I am aware that planning in extra time for breaks and driving slowly on the right lane keep my worries at bay. And, getting on a later ferry normally isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 Changing your perspective is something you have to practise, a bit like meditating, so that you manage to detach yourself from the actual situation that bothers you.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s our beliefs that shape how we label a situation. If we\u2019re honest with ourselves, it doesn\u2019t really matter whether we\u2019re in the right lane on the motorway or speaking \u201cperfect\u201d English.<\/p>\n
A quick journey into learning English<\/span><\/h4>\nI often see that my language students put themselves under pressure by expecting too much from themselves. Especially my students who are, how I call them, my \u201egut feeling\u201c students. They have a feeling for the language but, like everybody else, they have bad days when they feel detached from their feeling for the language.<\/p>\n
Tips for When You\u2019re Having a Bad English Day<\/h4>\n
\u21d2 I then recommend to speak simple English, German, or whatever. Short sentences, direct speech opposed to indirect speech. When you then speak in a nice flow, nobody notices that you\u2019re having a \u201ebad language\u201c day. Remember, it\u2019s your accompanying, judgemental thoughts which put unnecessary strain on the situation. Because, who really cares if you have a \u201ebad language\u201c day or drive slowly on the right (respectively left) lane as long as you don\u2019t block anybody?<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s your personality which counts, that\u2019s something I learned in a beautiful way in the UK. Mistakes don\u2019t matter, but my personality, being friendly, does. Don\u2019t make the mistakes some natives speakers of English I\u2019ve met in Germany do by being super perfect and thus losing your beautiful British lightness and humour for which we love you\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
And don\u2019t put on shoes which don\u2019t fit you, it\u2019s not one size fits all. Put on the shoes in your size and then start walking. Step by step at your pace.<\/p>\n
Summary<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nPerformance orientation isn\u2019t inherently a bad thing; it can actually be a great driving force. But when it becomes overly rigid or stubborn, that\u2019s when problems arise.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s give ourselves positive encouragement by allowing manageable steps<\/strong>, keeping the joy of learning and our curiosity alive<\/strong>, staying consistent with practice<\/strong>, and regularly shifting our perspective<\/strong>. And very importantly: let\u2019s treat ourselves with kindness and support<\/strong>. Be your own biggest cheerleader<\/strong>.<\/p>\nBy doing this, we give ourselves the chance to reach our goals more relaxed \u2014 and perhaps even more successfully.<\/p>\n
Step by step towards your goal.<\/p>\n
![\"Treppenstufen](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Step-by-step-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x128.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Are you interested in this topic,<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- \n
but feeling a bit overwhelmed and wishing for additional or deeper support?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
noticing that you can\u2019t make progress on your own?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\u2192 Then my coaching<\/span> <\/a>might be just what you need. Some issues are more complex and require a closer, more intensive look. Feel free to book a free introductory session<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\nInterested? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n
By the way, if you click on English in the menu above, you can read this post in English.<\/p>\n
Did you enjoy this post? If you\u2019re on social media, I\u2019d be grateful if you\u2019d share it. And if you subscribe to my newsletter, you\u2019ll receive my posts automatically.<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.\u00a0Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel – Lass Deine Ziele Realit\u00e4t werden: Ver\u00e4nderung braucht nicht den perfekten Zeitpunkt – sondern einen ersten Schritt. Und dann noch einen. Wichtig ist, dass wir auf dem Weg zu unserem Ziel kleine, vor … <\/p>\n
What does a car accident have to do with goals? And why do researchers say that we often stand in our own way \u2013 even when the will is there? In this post, you\u2019ll find out what\u2019s behind it all. You’ll get insights from research, a personal story \u2013 and practical tips to help you find your own way forward. Step by step.<\/p>\n
Set the bar really low<\/span><\/h4>\nAccording to behavioural scientist BJ Fogg it is crucial to set the bar really low if you want to be successful when developing new habits. “If you set the bar too high, you set yourself up to fail,” says Fogg. I read first about him in the Magazine Psychologies<\/a> <\/span>(issue February 2020). BJ Fogg is the director of the Stanford Behavior Design Lag, Mike Krieger, the co-founder of Instagram attended his boot camp of the same name. And he also points out that consistency matters as well as the emotion behind the habit. We’re more likely to develop new habits when we have positive associations with them, right?<\/p>\n\u2666 Consistency is key \u2013 sticking with something is essential if we want to reach our goals. And we\u2019re far more likely to keep going if the experience is linked to something positive. I learned that first-hand a few years ago. \u2013 More on that below: how I overcame my fear after a car accident. \u2666<\/p>\n
When Goals Overlook the Unpredictable<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nNeuroscientist, entrepreneur and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff (Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World<\/em><\/span><\/a>) has explored the topic of goal-setting in depth. Traditional goal systems often assume that life is predictable. But it isn\u2019t. That\u2019s why we so often set goals that are too rigid or too ambitious \u2013 and it comes at a cost: instead of feeling motivated, we end up under pressure, overwhelmed, and even burnt out. What we need are more flexible and creative approaches that allow for both personal and professional growth \u2013 with space for curiosity and change.<\/p>\nCuriosity, Openness & Consistency: The Path to Success<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nAnne-Laure Le Cunff suggests turning goals into experiments. Start small, stay curious, and be willing to change direction. Success comes from doing and learning, from trying things out and sticking with them \u2013 not from rigidly reaching a predefined goal. This approach takes the pressure off and helps us keep going, even when the path ahead isn\u2019t entirely clear. That\u2019s how consistency develops \u2013 and from consistency, new habits emerge.<\/p>\n
From my own experience: when we don\u2019t cling rigidly to a goal, we stay alert and in flow. Our senses become more attuned, we respond more openly to whatever comes our way, and we\u2019re able to take advantage of opportunities that appear along the journey. Success comes from doing \u2013 not from holding on to fixed plans.<\/p>\n
For Le Cunff, motivation isn\u2019t the key driver. What matters far more is having a system that still works when motivation is low. Routines help \u2013 like doing a bit of yoga in the morning, even on days when it feels like you\u2019ve got nothing to give. The main thing is to keep going. That\u2019s how solid habits form.<\/p>\n
The Generation Effect<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nDuring her neuroscience training, Anne-Laure Le Cunff came across the so-called Generation Effect<\/em> \u2013 a psychological phenomenon that shows we remember information better when we actively work it out for ourselves, rather than simply consuming it passively.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
What I\u2019d Like to Add from My Own Practice<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nFrom my work with clients, there are two things I\u2019ve found especially important for pursuing goals in a sustainable way:<\/p>\n
\n- \n
We\u2019re allowed to make mistakes<\/strong> \u2013 even to fail \u2013 and learn from it. The alternative? Doing nothing. And that means staying stuck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Let\u2019s be kind to ourselves<\/strong>. Let\u2019s treat ourselves with the same compassion and encouragement we would offer others. That\u2019s a powerful force for keeping going.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nThis second point is especially close to my heart \u2013 because I often see people giving up, not because they can\u2019t do it, but because they\u2019re their own harshest critic.<\/p>\n
And now, a personal story:<\/p>\n
Driving to England \u2013 How I Overcame My Fear Af<\/span>ter a Car Accident<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nA couple of years ago I got a grant from the EU for a training course in England. I\u2019d been to England many times before but never had I driven myself. The course would be in August, so I started practising in April. Some years before I had had a car accident. I was badly concussed with a broken nose and a painful whiplash injury. I only remember that I made the police look for my then 5-year-old son who I thought was with me which he wasn\u2019t, he was at a friend\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n
I woke up again in the ambulance and wanted to get out, I had to pick up my son, so I thought, and then woke up again in hospital because the treatment of my nose was rather painful. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days. I\u2019ve passed the scene of the accident many times, still no memories but for a long time an unpleasant feeling of anxiety stayed with me while driving.<\/p>\n
Well, as mentioned above I had the chance to drive to England. My first trip in April was to take my family to our friends in Switzerland. I had never driven for such a long time before, I was completely exhausted when I arrived there after a 4 \u00bd-hour drive. Our friends had prepared a wonderful barbecue for us. No food for me, I just went to bed, I felt slightly sick as I had been so tense.<\/p>\n
About two months later I went to nearby Andernach with my family, only a 1 \u00bd-hours drive from us, no big deal really. But for whatever reason I felt extremely anxious. Driving on the left lane, overtaking other cars, everything seemed so fast and the lanes so narrow. What if I caused an accident with my family in the car? I didn\u2019t exactly panic but I was probably close.<\/p>\n
The Moment Something Clicked in My Brain<\/span><\/h4>\nMy last chance to practise a longer distance drive would be in July, on our way back from the Black Forest. Again I was driving with my family. And again I was driving on the left lane when, all of a sudden, I thought: Why driving on the left lane, why putting yourself under pressure when you can drive on the right lane? Sure it\u2019ll take longer to come home but so what?<\/p>\n
\u2666 That was what I did and it took all the pressure from me. It felt like something had shifted in my mind. I was relaxed when I drove us home. I am a very performance-oriented person. Taking away the pressure off me did the trick, but it took some time to get there. \u2666<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Our big day had finally arrived. I would drive to England with my son, knowing that he would be an excellent navigator. I felt well prepared. We had planned a lot of extra time, so that we would arrive in Calais in good time for the ferry to Dover. That would give me the chance to have a break every 90 minutes.\u00a0We enjoyed a relaxed drive through the Netherlands and Belgium, but as soon as we reached France, everything shifted abruptly.<\/p>\n
Didn\u2019t see the unexpected coming<\/span><\/h4>\nAll traffic was redirected by the police; we all had to leave the motorway, pass heavily armed soldiers, go around a roundabout, and then rejoin the motorway. There had been the most terrible terrorist attacks in France before, so the French didn\u2019t take any risks. A huge traffic jam made any breaks impossible, coming closer to the port, all service stations were closed, so no break and no more buffer.<\/p>\n
Still, I stayed calm and had faith that everything would go well. Once in Calais, we could get on a later ferry, and everything went well. We arrived at Twickenham, London in good time, stayed with friends there before we spent the day in London the following day – I drove into London by car! – and later a 2-hour journey to Cheltenham after an exhausting (but also interesting) car spotting tour with my son through London\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
Had I known beforehand that the French border control would take so long and no chance to have a break, I would have been completely overwhelmed. But taking things as they came, I arrived in England tired but otherwise fine. After a 13 1\/2-hour drive I deserved to be tired.<\/p>\n
Apart from now driving mostly comfortably and yes, I\u2019ve been to England again, in fact, I quite enjoy driving in England, I took away very valuable lessons, lessons for life.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
What helped me:<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- Take small, manageable steps<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
In my coaching training we called them baby steps<\/strong>. Most of our projects fail because we expect too much from ourselves. Driving to England mightn\u2019t sound like a big deal for other people but it was for me, a very big one. Once I took the pressure away from me, I succeeded.<\/p>\n\n- My Own Cheerleader<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Believing in myself \u2013 even when the inner voice sounded a bit weak. And being kind to myself, regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n
\n- Practice Makes Perfect<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
We need moments of success to keep going \u2013 and those come with practice.<\/p>\n
\n- A question of perspective <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Most of the time it is not the plan itself that causes stress but our accompanying thoughts. When I take a different, more detached perspective, I am aware that planning in extra time for breaks and driving slowly on the right lane keep my worries at bay. And, getting on a later ferry normally isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 Changing your perspective is something you have to practise, a bit like meditating, so that you manage to detach yourself from the actual situation that bothers you.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s our beliefs that shape how we label a situation. If we\u2019re honest with ourselves, it doesn\u2019t really matter whether we\u2019re in the right lane on the motorway or speaking \u201cperfect\u201d English.<\/p>\n
A quick journey into learning English<\/span><\/h4>\nI often see that my language students put themselves under pressure by expecting too much from themselves. Especially my students who are, how I call them, my \u201egut feeling\u201c students. They have a feeling for the language but, like everybody else, they have bad days when they feel detached from their feeling for the language.<\/p>\n
Tips for When You\u2019re Having a Bad English Day<\/h4>\n
\u21d2 I then recommend to speak simple English, German, or whatever. Short sentences, direct speech opposed to indirect speech. When you then speak in a nice flow, nobody notices that you\u2019re having a \u201ebad language\u201c day. Remember, it\u2019s your accompanying, judgemental thoughts which put unnecessary strain on the situation. Because, who really cares if you have a \u201ebad language\u201c day or drive slowly on the right (respectively left) lane as long as you don\u2019t block anybody?<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s your personality which counts, that\u2019s something I learned in a beautiful way in the UK. Mistakes don\u2019t matter, but my personality, being friendly, does. Don\u2019t make the mistakes some natives speakers of English I\u2019ve met in Germany do by being super perfect and thus losing your beautiful British lightness and humour for which we love you\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
And don\u2019t put on shoes which don\u2019t fit you, it\u2019s not one size fits all. Put on the shoes in your size and then start walking. Step by step at your pace.<\/p>\n
Summary<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nPerformance orientation isn\u2019t inherently a bad thing; it can actually be a great driving force. But when it becomes overly rigid or stubborn, that\u2019s when problems arise.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s give ourselves positive encouragement by allowing manageable steps<\/strong>, keeping the joy of learning and our curiosity alive<\/strong>, staying consistent with practice<\/strong>, and regularly shifting our perspective<\/strong>. And very importantly: let\u2019s treat ourselves with kindness and support<\/strong>. Be your own biggest cheerleader<\/strong>.<\/p>\nBy doing this, we give ourselves the chance to reach our goals more relaxed \u2014 and perhaps even more successfully.<\/p>\n
Step by step towards your goal.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Are you interested in this topic,<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- \n
but feeling a bit overwhelmed and wishing for additional or deeper support?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
noticing that you can\u2019t make progress on your own?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\u2192 Then my coaching<\/span> <\/a>might be just what you need. Some issues are more complex and require a closer, more intensive look. Feel free to book a free introductory session<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\nInterested? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n
By the way, if you click on English in the menu above, you can read this post in English.<\/p>\n
Did you enjoy this post? If you\u2019re on social media, I\u2019d be grateful if you\u2019d share it. And if you subscribe to my newsletter, you\u2019ll receive my posts automatically.<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.\u00a0Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel – Lass Deine Ziele Realit\u00e4t werden: Ver\u00e4nderung braucht nicht den perfekten Zeitpunkt – sondern einen ersten Schritt. Und dann noch einen. Wichtig ist, dass wir auf dem Weg zu unserem Ziel kleine, vor … <\/p>\n
\u2666 Consistency is key \u2013 sticking with something is essential if we want to reach our goals. And we\u2019re far more likely to keep going if the experience is linked to something positive. I learned that first-hand a few years ago. \u2013 More on that below: how I overcame my fear after a car accident. \u2666<\/p>\n
When Goals Overlook the Unpredictable<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nNeuroscientist, entrepreneur and author Anne-Laure Le Cunff (Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World<\/em><\/span><\/a>) has explored the topic of goal-setting in depth. Traditional goal systems often assume that life is predictable. But it isn\u2019t. That\u2019s why we so often set goals that are too rigid or too ambitious \u2013 and it comes at a cost: instead of feeling motivated, we end up under pressure, overwhelmed, and even burnt out. What we need are more flexible and creative approaches that allow for both personal and professional growth \u2013 with space for curiosity and change.<\/p>\nCuriosity, Openness & Consistency: The Path to Success<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nAnne-Laure Le Cunff suggests turning goals into experiments. Start small, stay curious, and be willing to change direction. Success comes from doing and learning, from trying things out and sticking with them \u2013 not from rigidly reaching a predefined goal. This approach takes the pressure off and helps us keep going, even when the path ahead isn\u2019t entirely clear. That\u2019s how consistency develops \u2013 and from consistency, new habits emerge.<\/p>\n
From my own experience: when we don\u2019t cling rigidly to a goal, we stay alert and in flow. Our senses become more attuned, we respond more openly to whatever comes our way, and we\u2019re able to take advantage of opportunities that appear along the journey. Success comes from doing \u2013 not from holding on to fixed plans.<\/p>\n
For Le Cunff, motivation isn\u2019t the key driver. What matters far more is having a system that still works when motivation is low. Routines help \u2013 like doing a bit of yoga in the morning, even on days when it feels like you\u2019ve got nothing to give. The main thing is to keep going. That\u2019s how solid habits form.<\/p>\n
The Generation Effect<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nDuring her neuroscience training, Anne-Laure Le Cunff came across the so-called Generation Effect<\/em> \u2013 a psychological phenomenon that shows we remember information better when we actively work it out for ourselves, rather than simply consuming it passively.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
What I\u2019d Like to Add from My Own Practice<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nFrom my work with clients, there are two things I\u2019ve found especially important for pursuing goals in a sustainable way:<\/p>\n
\n- \n
We\u2019re allowed to make mistakes<\/strong> \u2013 even to fail \u2013 and learn from it. The alternative? Doing nothing. And that means staying stuck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Let\u2019s be kind to ourselves<\/strong>. Let\u2019s treat ourselves with the same compassion and encouragement we would offer others. That\u2019s a powerful force for keeping going.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nThis second point is especially close to my heart \u2013 because I often see people giving up, not because they can\u2019t do it, but because they\u2019re their own harshest critic.<\/p>\n
And now, a personal story:<\/p>\n
Driving to England \u2013 How I Overcame My Fear Af<\/span>ter a Car Accident<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nA couple of years ago I got a grant from the EU for a training course in England. I\u2019d been to England many times before but never had I driven myself. The course would be in August, so I started practising in April. Some years before I had had a car accident. I was badly concussed with a broken nose and a painful whiplash injury. I only remember that I made the police look for my then 5-year-old son who I thought was with me which he wasn\u2019t, he was at a friend\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n
I woke up again in the ambulance and wanted to get out, I had to pick up my son, so I thought, and then woke up again in hospital because the treatment of my nose was rather painful. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days. I\u2019ve passed the scene of the accident many times, still no memories but for a long time an unpleasant feeling of anxiety stayed with me while driving.<\/p>\n
Well, as mentioned above I had the chance to drive to England. My first trip in April was to take my family to our friends in Switzerland. I had never driven for such a long time before, I was completely exhausted when I arrived there after a 4 \u00bd-hour drive. Our friends had prepared a wonderful barbecue for us. No food for me, I just went to bed, I felt slightly sick as I had been so tense.<\/p>\n
About two months later I went to nearby Andernach with my family, only a 1 \u00bd-hours drive from us, no big deal really. But for whatever reason I felt extremely anxious. Driving on the left lane, overtaking other cars, everything seemed so fast and the lanes so narrow. What if I caused an accident with my family in the car? I didn\u2019t exactly panic but I was probably close.<\/p>\n
The Moment Something Clicked in My Brain<\/span><\/h4>\nMy last chance to practise a longer distance drive would be in July, on our way back from the Black Forest. Again I was driving with my family. And again I was driving on the left lane when, all of a sudden, I thought: Why driving on the left lane, why putting yourself under pressure when you can drive on the right lane? Sure it\u2019ll take longer to come home but so what?<\/p>\n
\u2666 That was what I did and it took all the pressure from me. It felt like something had shifted in my mind. I was relaxed when I drove us home. I am a very performance-oriented person. Taking away the pressure off me did the trick, but it took some time to get there. \u2666<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Our big day had finally arrived. I would drive to England with my son, knowing that he would be an excellent navigator. I felt well prepared. We had planned a lot of extra time, so that we would arrive in Calais in good time for the ferry to Dover. That would give me the chance to have a break every 90 minutes.\u00a0We enjoyed a relaxed drive through the Netherlands and Belgium, but as soon as we reached France, everything shifted abruptly.<\/p>\n
Didn\u2019t see the unexpected coming<\/span><\/h4>\nAll traffic was redirected by the police; we all had to leave the motorway, pass heavily armed soldiers, go around a roundabout, and then rejoin the motorway. There had been the most terrible terrorist attacks in France before, so the French didn\u2019t take any risks. A huge traffic jam made any breaks impossible, coming closer to the port, all service stations were closed, so no break and no more buffer.<\/p>\n
Still, I stayed calm and had faith that everything would go well. Once in Calais, we could get on a later ferry, and everything went well. We arrived at Twickenham, London in good time, stayed with friends there before we spent the day in London the following day – I drove into London by car! – and later a 2-hour journey to Cheltenham after an exhausting (but also interesting) car spotting tour with my son through London\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
Had I known beforehand that the French border control would take so long and no chance to have a break, I would have been completely overwhelmed. But taking things as they came, I arrived in England tired but otherwise fine. After a 13 1\/2-hour drive I deserved to be tired.<\/p>\n
Apart from now driving mostly comfortably and yes, I\u2019ve been to England again, in fact, I quite enjoy driving in England, I took away very valuable lessons, lessons for life.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
What helped me:<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- Take small, manageable steps<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
In my coaching training we called them baby steps<\/strong>. Most of our projects fail because we expect too much from ourselves. Driving to England mightn\u2019t sound like a big deal for other people but it was for me, a very big one. Once I took the pressure away from me, I succeeded.<\/p>\n\n- My Own Cheerleader<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Believing in myself \u2013 even when the inner voice sounded a bit weak. And being kind to myself, regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n
\n- Practice Makes Perfect<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
We need moments of success to keep going \u2013 and those come with practice.<\/p>\n
\n- A question of perspective <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Most of the time it is not the plan itself that causes stress but our accompanying thoughts. When I take a different, more detached perspective, I am aware that planning in extra time for breaks and driving slowly on the right lane keep my worries at bay. And, getting on a later ferry normally isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 Changing your perspective is something you have to practise, a bit like meditating, so that you manage to detach yourself from the actual situation that bothers you.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s our beliefs that shape how we label a situation. If we\u2019re honest with ourselves, it doesn\u2019t really matter whether we\u2019re in the right lane on the motorway or speaking \u201cperfect\u201d English.<\/p>\n
A quick journey into learning English<\/span><\/h4>\nI often see that my language students put themselves under pressure by expecting too much from themselves. Especially my students who are, how I call them, my \u201egut feeling\u201c students. They have a feeling for the language but, like everybody else, they have bad days when they feel detached from their feeling for the language.<\/p>\n
Tips for When You\u2019re Having a Bad English Day<\/h4>\n
\u21d2 I then recommend to speak simple English, German, or whatever. Short sentences, direct speech opposed to indirect speech. When you then speak in a nice flow, nobody notices that you\u2019re having a \u201ebad language\u201c day. Remember, it\u2019s your accompanying, judgemental thoughts which put unnecessary strain on the situation. Because, who really cares if you have a \u201ebad language\u201c day or drive slowly on the right (respectively left) lane as long as you don\u2019t block anybody?<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s your personality which counts, that\u2019s something I learned in a beautiful way in the UK. Mistakes don\u2019t matter, but my personality, being friendly, does. Don\u2019t make the mistakes some natives speakers of English I\u2019ve met in Germany do by being super perfect and thus losing your beautiful British lightness and humour for which we love you\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
And don\u2019t put on shoes which don\u2019t fit you, it\u2019s not one size fits all. Put on the shoes in your size and then start walking. Step by step at your pace.<\/p>\n
Summary<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nPerformance orientation isn\u2019t inherently a bad thing; it can actually be a great driving force. But when it becomes overly rigid or stubborn, that\u2019s when problems arise.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s give ourselves positive encouragement by allowing manageable steps<\/strong>, keeping the joy of learning and our curiosity alive<\/strong>, staying consistent with practice<\/strong>, and regularly shifting our perspective<\/strong>. And very importantly: let\u2019s treat ourselves with kindness and support<\/strong>. Be your own biggest cheerleader<\/strong>.<\/p>\nBy doing this, we give ourselves the chance to reach our goals more relaxed \u2014 and perhaps even more successfully.<\/p>\n
Step by step towards your goal.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Are you interested in this topic,<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- \n
but feeling a bit overwhelmed and wishing for additional or deeper support?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
noticing that you can\u2019t make progress on your own?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\u2192 Then my coaching<\/span> <\/a>might be just what you need. Some issues are more complex and require a closer, more intensive look. Feel free to book a free introductory session<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\nInterested? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n
By the way, if you click on English in the menu above, you can read this post in English.<\/p>\n
Did you enjoy this post? If you\u2019re on social media, I\u2019d be grateful if you\u2019d share it. And if you subscribe to my newsletter, you\u2019ll receive my posts automatically.<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.\u00a0Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel – Lass Deine Ziele Realit\u00e4t werden: Ver\u00e4nderung braucht nicht den perfekten Zeitpunkt – sondern einen ersten Schritt. Und dann noch einen. Wichtig ist, dass wir auf dem Weg zu unserem Ziel kleine, vor … <\/p>\n
Curiosity, Openness & Consistency: The Path to Success<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nAnne-Laure Le Cunff suggests turning goals into experiments. Start small, stay curious, and be willing to change direction. Success comes from doing and learning, from trying things out and sticking with them \u2013 not from rigidly reaching a predefined goal. This approach takes the pressure off and helps us keep going, even when the path ahead isn\u2019t entirely clear. That\u2019s how consistency develops \u2013 and from consistency, new habits emerge.<\/p>\n
From my own experience: when we don\u2019t cling rigidly to a goal, we stay alert and in flow. Our senses become more attuned, we respond more openly to whatever comes our way, and we\u2019re able to take advantage of opportunities that appear along the journey. Success comes from doing \u2013 not from holding on to fixed plans.<\/p>\n
For Le Cunff, motivation isn\u2019t the key driver. What matters far more is having a system that still works when motivation is low. Routines help \u2013 like doing a bit of yoga in the morning, even on days when it feels like you\u2019ve got nothing to give. The main thing is to keep going. That\u2019s how solid habits form.<\/p>\n
The Generation Effect<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nDuring her neuroscience training, Anne-Laure Le Cunff came across the so-called Generation Effect<\/em> \u2013 a psychological phenomenon that shows we remember information better when we actively work it out for ourselves, rather than simply consuming it passively.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
What I\u2019d Like to Add from My Own Practice<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nFrom my work with clients, there are two things I\u2019ve found especially important for pursuing goals in a sustainable way:<\/p>\n
\n- \n
We\u2019re allowed to make mistakes<\/strong> \u2013 even to fail \u2013 and learn from it. The alternative? Doing nothing. And that means staying stuck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Let\u2019s be kind to ourselves<\/strong>. Let\u2019s treat ourselves with the same compassion and encouragement we would offer others. That\u2019s a powerful force for keeping going.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nThis second point is especially close to my heart \u2013 because I often see people giving up, not because they can\u2019t do it, but because they\u2019re their own harshest critic.<\/p>\n
And now, a personal story:<\/p>\n
Driving to England \u2013 How I Overcame My Fear Af<\/span>ter a Car Accident<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nA couple of years ago I got a grant from the EU for a training course in England. I\u2019d been to England many times before but never had I driven myself. The course would be in August, so I started practising in April. Some years before I had had a car accident. I was badly concussed with a broken nose and a painful whiplash injury. I only remember that I made the police look for my then 5-year-old son who I thought was with me which he wasn\u2019t, he was at a friend\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n
I woke up again in the ambulance and wanted to get out, I had to pick up my son, so I thought, and then woke up again in hospital because the treatment of my nose was rather painful. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days. I\u2019ve passed the scene of the accident many times, still no memories but for a long time an unpleasant feeling of anxiety stayed with me while driving.<\/p>\n
Well, as mentioned above I had the chance to drive to England. My first trip in April was to take my family to our friends in Switzerland. I had never driven for such a long time before, I was completely exhausted when I arrived there after a 4 \u00bd-hour drive. Our friends had prepared a wonderful barbecue for us. No food for me, I just went to bed, I felt slightly sick as I had been so tense.<\/p>\n
About two months later I went to nearby Andernach with my family, only a 1 \u00bd-hours drive from us, no big deal really. But for whatever reason I felt extremely anxious. Driving on the left lane, overtaking other cars, everything seemed so fast and the lanes so narrow. What if I caused an accident with my family in the car? I didn\u2019t exactly panic but I was probably close.<\/p>\n
The Moment Something Clicked in My Brain<\/span><\/h4>\nMy last chance to practise a longer distance drive would be in July, on our way back from the Black Forest. Again I was driving with my family. And again I was driving on the left lane when, all of a sudden, I thought: Why driving on the left lane, why putting yourself under pressure when you can drive on the right lane? Sure it\u2019ll take longer to come home but so what?<\/p>\n
\u2666 That was what I did and it took all the pressure from me. It felt like something had shifted in my mind. I was relaxed when I drove us home. I am a very performance-oriented person. Taking away the pressure off me did the trick, but it took some time to get there. \u2666<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Our big day had finally arrived. I would drive to England with my son, knowing that he would be an excellent navigator. I felt well prepared. We had planned a lot of extra time, so that we would arrive in Calais in good time for the ferry to Dover. That would give me the chance to have a break every 90 minutes.\u00a0We enjoyed a relaxed drive through the Netherlands and Belgium, but as soon as we reached France, everything shifted abruptly.<\/p>\n
Didn\u2019t see the unexpected coming<\/span><\/h4>\nAll traffic was redirected by the police; we all had to leave the motorway, pass heavily armed soldiers, go around a roundabout, and then rejoin the motorway. There had been the most terrible terrorist attacks in France before, so the French didn\u2019t take any risks. A huge traffic jam made any breaks impossible, coming closer to the port, all service stations were closed, so no break and no more buffer.<\/p>\n
Still, I stayed calm and had faith that everything would go well. Once in Calais, we could get on a later ferry, and everything went well. We arrived at Twickenham, London in good time, stayed with friends there before we spent the day in London the following day – I drove into London by car! – and later a 2-hour journey to Cheltenham after an exhausting (but also interesting) car spotting tour with my son through London\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
Had I known beforehand that the French border control would take so long and no chance to have a break, I would have been completely overwhelmed. But taking things as they came, I arrived in England tired but otherwise fine. After a 13 1\/2-hour drive I deserved to be tired.<\/p>\n
Apart from now driving mostly comfortably and yes, I\u2019ve been to England again, in fact, I quite enjoy driving in England, I took away very valuable lessons, lessons for life.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
What helped me:<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- Take small, manageable steps<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
In my coaching training we called them baby steps<\/strong>. Most of our projects fail because we expect too much from ourselves. Driving to England mightn\u2019t sound like a big deal for other people but it was for me, a very big one. Once I took the pressure away from me, I succeeded.<\/p>\n\n- My Own Cheerleader<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Believing in myself \u2013 even when the inner voice sounded a bit weak. And being kind to myself, regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n
\n- Practice Makes Perfect<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
We need moments of success to keep going \u2013 and those come with practice.<\/p>\n
\n- A question of perspective <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Most of the time it is not the plan itself that causes stress but our accompanying thoughts. When I take a different, more detached perspective, I am aware that planning in extra time for breaks and driving slowly on the right lane keep my worries at bay. And, getting on a later ferry normally isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 Changing your perspective is something you have to practise, a bit like meditating, so that you manage to detach yourself from the actual situation that bothers you.<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s our beliefs that shape how we label a situation. If we\u2019re honest with ourselves, it doesn\u2019t really matter whether we\u2019re in the right lane on the motorway or speaking \u201cperfect\u201d English.<\/p>\n
A quick journey into learning English<\/span><\/h4>\nI often see that my language students put themselves under pressure by expecting too much from themselves. Especially my students who are, how I call them, my \u201egut feeling\u201c students. They have a feeling for the language but, like everybody else, they have bad days when they feel detached from their feeling for the language.<\/p>\n
Tips for When You\u2019re Having a Bad English Day<\/h4>\n
\u21d2 I then recommend to speak simple English, German, or whatever. Short sentences, direct speech opposed to indirect speech. When you then speak in a nice flow, nobody notices that you\u2019re having a \u201ebad language\u201c day. Remember, it\u2019s your accompanying, judgemental thoughts which put unnecessary strain on the situation. Because, who really cares if you have a \u201ebad language\u201c day or drive slowly on the right (respectively left) lane as long as you don\u2019t block anybody?<\/p>\n
\u21d2 It\u2019s your personality which counts, that\u2019s something I learned in a beautiful way in the UK. Mistakes don\u2019t matter, but my personality, being friendly, does. Don\u2019t make the mistakes some natives speakers of English I\u2019ve met in Germany do by being super perfect and thus losing your beautiful British lightness and humour for which we love you\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n
And don\u2019t put on shoes which don\u2019t fit you, it\u2019s not one size fits all. Put on the shoes in your size and then start walking. Step by step at your pace.<\/p>\n
Summary<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\nPerformance orientation isn\u2019t inherently a bad thing; it can actually be a great driving force. But when it becomes overly rigid or stubborn, that\u2019s when problems arise.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s give ourselves positive encouragement by allowing manageable steps<\/strong>, keeping the joy of learning and our curiosity alive<\/strong>, staying consistent with practice<\/strong>, and regularly shifting our perspective<\/strong>. And very importantly: let\u2019s treat ourselves with kindness and support<\/strong>. Be your own biggest cheerleader<\/strong>.<\/p>\nBy doing this, we give ourselves the chance to reach our goals more relaxed \u2014 and perhaps even more successfully.<\/p>\n
Step by step towards your goal.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Are you interested in this topic,<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- \n
but feeling a bit overwhelmed and wishing for additional or deeper support?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
noticing that you can\u2019t make progress on your own?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\u2192 Then my coaching<\/span> <\/a>might be just what you need. Some issues are more complex and require a closer, more intensive look. Feel free to book a free introductory session<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\nInterested? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n
By the way, if you click on English in the menu above, you can read this post in English.<\/p>\n
Did you enjoy this post? If you\u2019re on social media, I\u2019d be grateful if you\u2019d share it. And if you subscribe to my newsletter, you\u2019ll receive my posts automatically.<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.\u00a0Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel – Lass Deine Ziele Realit\u00e4t werden: Ver\u00e4nderung braucht nicht den perfekten Zeitpunkt – sondern einen ersten Schritt. Und dann noch einen. Wichtig ist, dass wir auf dem Weg zu unserem Ziel kleine, vor … <\/p>\n
During her neuroscience training, Anne-Laure Le Cunff came across the so-called Generation Effect<\/em> \u2013 a psychological phenomenon that shows we remember information better when we actively work it out for ourselves, rather than simply consuming it passively.<\/p>\n From my work with clients, there are two things I\u2019ve found especially important for pursuing goals in a sustainable way:<\/p>\n We\u2019re allowed to make mistakes<\/strong> \u2013 even to fail \u2013 and learn from it. The alternative? Doing nothing. And that means staying stuck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n Let\u2019s be kind to ourselves<\/strong>. Let\u2019s treat ourselves with the same compassion and encouragement we would offer others. That\u2019s a powerful force for keeping going.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n This second point is especially close to my heart \u2013 because I often see people giving up, not because they can\u2019t do it, but because they\u2019re their own harshest critic.<\/p>\n And now, a personal story:<\/p>\n Driving to England \u2013 How I Overcame My Fear Af<\/span>ter a Car Accident<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n A couple of years ago I got a grant from the EU for a training course in England. I\u2019d been to England many times before but never had I driven myself. The course would be in August, so I started practising in April. Some years before I had had a car accident. I was badly concussed with a broken nose and a painful whiplash injury. I only remember that I made the police look for my then 5-year-old son who I thought was with me which he wasn\u2019t, he was at a friend\u2019s birthday party.<\/p>\n I woke up again in the ambulance and wanted to get out, I had to pick up my son, so I thought, and then woke up again in hospital because the treatment of my nose was rather painful. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of days. I\u2019ve passed the scene of the accident many times, still no memories but for a long time an unpleasant feeling of anxiety stayed with me while driving.<\/p>\n Well, as mentioned above I had the chance to drive to England. My first trip in April was to take my family to our friends in Switzerland. I had never driven for such a long time before, I was completely exhausted when I arrived there after a 4 \u00bd-hour drive. Our friends had prepared a wonderful barbecue for us. No food for me, I just went to bed, I felt slightly sick as I had been so tense.<\/p>\n About two months later I went to nearby Andernach with my family, only a 1 \u00bd-hours drive from us, no big deal really. But for whatever reason I felt extremely anxious. Driving on the left lane, overtaking other cars, everything seemed so fast and the lanes so narrow. What if I caused an accident with my family in the car? I didn\u2019t exactly panic but I was probably close.<\/p>\n My last chance to practise a longer distance drive would be in July, on our way back from the Black Forest. Again I was driving with my family. And again I was driving on the left lane when, all of a sudden, I thought: Why driving on the left lane, why putting yourself under pressure when you can drive on the right lane? Sure it\u2019ll take longer to come home but so what?<\/p>\n \u2666 That was what I did and it took all the pressure from me. It felt like something had shifted in my mind. I was relaxed when I drove us home. I am a very performance-oriented person. Taking away the pressure off me did the trick, but it took some time to get there. \u2666<\/p>\n Our big day had finally arrived. I would drive to England with my son, knowing that he would be an excellent navigator. I felt well prepared. We had planned a lot of extra time, so that we would arrive in Calais in good time for the ferry to Dover. That would give me the chance to have a break every 90 minutes.\u00a0We enjoyed a relaxed drive through the Netherlands and Belgium, but as soon as we reached France, everything shifted abruptly.<\/p>\n All traffic was redirected by the police; we all had to leave the motorway, pass heavily armed soldiers, go around a roundabout, and then rejoin the motorway. There had been the most terrible terrorist attacks in France before, so the French didn\u2019t take any risks. A huge traffic jam made any breaks impossible, coming closer to the port, all service stations were closed, so no break and no more buffer.<\/p>\n Still, I stayed calm and had faith that everything would go well. Once in Calais, we could get on a later ferry, and everything went well. We arrived at Twickenham, London in good time, stayed with friends there before we spent the day in London the following day – I drove into London by car! – and later a 2-hour journey to Cheltenham after an exhausting (but also interesting) car spotting tour with my son through London\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n Had I known beforehand that the French border control would take so long and no chance to have a break, I would have been completely overwhelmed. But taking things as they came, I arrived in England tired but otherwise fine. After a 13 1\/2-hour drive I deserved to be tired.<\/p>\n Apart from now driving mostly comfortably and yes, I\u2019ve been to England again, in fact, I quite enjoy driving in England, I took away very valuable lessons, lessons for life.<\/p>\n In my coaching training we called them baby steps<\/strong>. Most of our projects fail because we expect too much from ourselves. Driving to England mightn\u2019t sound like a big deal for other people but it was for me, a very big one. Once I took the pressure away from me, I succeeded.<\/p>\n Believing in myself \u2013 even when the inner voice sounded a bit weak. And being kind to myself, regardless of the outcome.<\/p>\n We need moments of success to keep going \u2013 and those come with practice.<\/p>\n Most of the time it is not the plan itself that causes stress but our accompanying thoughts. When I take a different, more detached perspective, I am aware that planning in extra time for breaks and driving slowly on the right lane keep my worries at bay. And, getting on a later ferry normally isn\u2019t a problem.<\/p>\n \u21d2 Changing your perspective is something you have to practise, a bit like meditating, so that you manage to detach yourself from the actual situation that bothers you.<\/p>\n \u21d2 It\u2019s our beliefs that shape how we label a situation. If we\u2019re honest with ourselves, it doesn\u2019t really matter whether we\u2019re in the right lane on the motorway or speaking \u201cperfect\u201d English.<\/p>\n I often see that my language students put themselves under pressure by expecting too much from themselves. Especially my students who are, how I call them, my \u201egut feeling\u201c students. They have a feeling for the language but, like everybody else, they have bad days when they feel detached from their feeling for the language.<\/p>\n \u21d2 I then recommend to speak simple English, German, or whatever. Short sentences, direct speech opposed to indirect speech. When you then speak in a nice flow, nobody notices that you\u2019re having a \u201ebad language\u201c day. Remember, it\u2019s your accompanying, judgemental thoughts which put unnecessary strain on the situation. Because, who really cares if you have a \u201ebad language\u201c day or drive slowly on the right (respectively left) lane as long as you don\u2019t block anybody?<\/p>\n \u21d2 It\u2019s your personality which counts, that\u2019s something I learned in a beautiful way in the UK. Mistakes don\u2019t matter, but my personality, being friendly, does. Don\u2019t make the mistakes some natives speakers of English I\u2019ve met in Germany do by being super perfect and thus losing your beautiful British lightness and humour for which we love you\ud83d\ude0a.<\/p>\n And don\u2019t put on shoes which don\u2019t fit you, it\u2019s not one size fits all. Put on the shoes in your size and then start walking. Step by step at your pace.<\/p>\n Performance orientation isn\u2019t inherently a bad thing; it can actually be a great driving force. But when it becomes overly rigid or stubborn, that\u2019s when problems arise.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s give ourselves positive encouragement by allowing manageable steps<\/strong>, keeping the joy of learning and our curiosity alive<\/strong>, staying consistent with practice<\/strong>, and regularly shifting our perspective<\/strong>. And very importantly: let\u2019s treat ourselves with kindness and support<\/strong>. Be your own biggest cheerleader<\/strong>.<\/p>\n By doing this, we give ourselves the chance to reach our goals more relaxed \u2014 and perhaps even more successfully.<\/p>\n Step by step towards your goal.<\/p>\n but feeling a bit overwhelmed and wishing for additional or deeper support?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n noticing that you can\u2019t make progress on your own?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n \u2192 Then my coaching<\/span> <\/a>might be just what you need. Some issues are more complex and require a closer, more intensive look. Feel free to book a free introductory session<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n Interested? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n By the way, if you click on English in the menu above, you can read this post in English.<\/p>\n Did you enjoy this post? If you\u2019re on social media, I\u2019d be grateful if you\u2019d share it. And if you subscribe to my newsletter, you\u2019ll receive my posts automatically.<\/p>\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sorry, this entry is only available in Deutsch.\u00a0Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel Schritt f\u00fcr Schritt zum Ziel – Lass Deine Ziele Realit\u00e4t werden: Ver\u00e4nderung braucht nicht den perfekten Zeitpunkt – sondern einen ersten Schritt. Und dann noch einen. Wichtig ist, dass wir auf dem Weg zu unserem Ziel kleine, vor … <\/p>\n<\/p>\nWhat I\u2019d Like to Add from My Own Practice<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n
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The Moment Something Clicked in My Brain<\/span><\/h4>\n
<\/p>\nDidn\u2019t see the unexpected coming<\/span><\/h4>\n
<\/p>\nWhat helped me:<\/span><\/h4>\n
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A quick journey into learning English<\/span><\/h4>\n
Tips for When You\u2019re Having a Bad English Day<\/h4>\n
Summary<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n
<\/p>\nAre you interested in this topic,<\/span><\/h4>\n
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