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The World Happiness Report 2026<\/span><\/a> has been published \u2013 and Germany has moved up: from 22nd to 17th place. The report shows that external factors such as security and income matter a great deal \u2013 but our inner attitude, social relationships and a sense of inner peace ultimately determine how happy we feel. That’s reason enough to take a closer look: what really makes us happy \u2013 and what can we actively do about it? Because, as I see it, 17th place still leaves room for improvement \u2013 and I rather like the idea that much of this is within our own hands.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n In this post, I bring together expert knowledge and my own experience as a coach and English trainer \u2013 illustrated with real-life examples. My aim is to show you how happiness can become more tangible in everyday life, and what you can do to cultivate it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n German happiness researcher Maike van den Boom, watching us from across the border in Sweden, puts her finger on what’s still standing in our way:<\/p>\n In an interview with ZDF, she explains:<\/p>\n “We Germans get in our own way because we like to follow rules. We want security and we want things to go as planned. But that’s no longer how life works. And we struggle with that. It stands in the way of our happiness.”<\/em><\/p>\n And in an interview with rbb: “Germans lack inner calm and confidence. We tend to slide into fear and paralysis \u2013 especially with all the changes happening around us. Understandable, but not exactly conducive to happiness.”<\/em><\/p>\n “Scandinavians simply get on with it \u2013 without fear. Change is their daily bread. They don’t know what ‘German Angst’ is; they just give it a go. And because of that, they are far quicker, more innovative, more creative \u2013 and happier.”<\/em><\/p>\n The report confirms it: Finland tops the list for the ninth consecutive year.<\/p>\n Whether in coaching or English training, the pattern is often the same. Many people have been taught that making mistakes is bad. The inner critic takes over \u2013 draining energy and holding us back.<\/p>\n In English training, I see this time and again: the focus is on avoiding mistakes rather than on communication. Pauses arise not so much from gaps in knowledge, but from the desire to speak perfectly<\/em>. The result often sounds strained \u2013 and it inhibits the natural flow of conversation. Many people carry this mindset with them from their schooldays.<\/p>\n \u2192 Perfectionism doesn’t just block learning; it blocks personal happiness too.<\/em><\/p>\n According to Maike van den Boom, in Scandinavia there’s no right or wrong. In schools and companies, what matters is this: Why did he or she do that? What motivated them? They ask questions and get to the heart of things.<\/em> She also notes that there’s no hierarchy of professions.<\/p>\n Yes, the British expect English in business settings \u2013 but not perfect English. What matters far more to them is your personality and a good sense of humour. I find that rather refreshing.<\/p>\n Pragmatism, tolerance, and creativity are qualities I also associate with England. After all, what good is flawless English if the other person has stopped listening because the conversation has become too laboured?<\/p>\n Perfectionism kills creativity<\/em> \u2013 so let’s move away from perfectionism and embrace making mistakes with a “Nobody is perfect”<\/em> and “Yes, I can!”<\/em> mindset.<\/p>\n Maike van den Boom (in an SWR interview) distinguishes between three forms of happiness:<\/p>\n 1. Euphoric happiness<\/strong> \u2013 the “newly in love”<\/em> feeling. Wonderful, but fleeting. Those who float on cloud nine indefinitely make poor decisions and stop growing.<\/p>\n 2. The happy life<\/strong> \u2013 conscious, values-based, sustainable. Happy people are more creative, more productive, more loyal, and less prone to illness. They are intrinsically motivated \u2013 driven by inner purpose rather than external pressure.<\/p>\n 3. Contentment<\/strong> \u2013 the most deceptive of the three. One can lower one’s own expectations to the point of feeling just about “content”, even when the circumstances have long since stopped being right. According to van den Boom, contented people tend to be rather complacent and extrinsically motivated.<\/p>\n I understand her take on contentment. At the same time, the German word for contentment \u2013 Zufriedenheit<\/em> \u2013 contains the word Frieden<\/em>, meaning “peace”. And that gives it a quality of its own for me: inner calm, inner peace. A wonderful feeling, that.<\/p>\n That may sound paradoxical. But crises are necessary. They are the engine of change \u2013 for individuals and for society alike. Moments of happiness are meant to remain moments \u2013 precisely because they are so precious<\/em>, as Maike van den Boom puts it.<\/p>\n Our sense of happiness is, of course, not entirely separate from external circumstances \u2013 and our genes play a role too: international studies suggest that around 30 to 40 per cent of our capacity for happiness is genetically<\/span><\/a> determined. And yet there is a great deal we can do at the personal level<\/strong>.<\/p>\n We are often our own harshest critics. An effective antidote: rewriting the inner narrative. Mantras help \u2013 not through magic, but through repetition. “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”<\/em> Water wears away stone. It’s a process, not a switch you can simply flick.<\/p>\n Coaching example: The courage to interview<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n A client of mine wanted to make a career change. The prospect of a job interview in English frightened her. We practised together \u2013 starting with easier scenarios to build her confidence, then gradually working up to more demanding conversations.<\/p>\n Things went well, yet she kept pulling back.<\/p>\n I asked: “What would happen in the worst case?”<\/em> In our coaching sessions, we’d already practised meeting herself with compassion when things don’t go to plan \u2013 drawing on everyday situations. That stood her in good stead in that moment and kept her going.<\/p>\n At our last meeting, she told me she hadn’t got the job \u2013 but she had developed further within her company.<\/p>\n “I’ve grown not just professionally, but above all personally,”<\/em> she said.<\/p>\n The courage to have a go strengthens self-confidence and one’s sense of happiness.<\/p>\n Psychological background:<\/strong> Exploring worst-case scenarios is a technique from cognitive behavioural therapy. The inner-child concept and building self-compassion are well-established coaching approaches for loosening old protective patterns. (Stefanie Stahl, psychologist)<\/em><\/p>\n Two questions worth sitting with: What are your values, really \u2013 not society’s? And are you actually living them?<\/p>\n Career, title, salary \u2013 these are society’s expectations. But are they also yours? People with a clear inner compass and a sense of independence tend to appear more settled and grounded. Not because they have everything, but because they know what matters to them.<\/p>\n This also means: don’t twist yourself into knots trying to please others. Stand by your convictions, even when it’s awkward. Surround yourself with people who respect you and give you honest feedback \u2013 though of course, how<\/em> they do so matters enormously.<\/p>\n Sadness, fear, anger \u2013 all of these serve a purpose. It’s worth asking: what is this feeling trying to tell me? Should I slow down? Look at something from a different angle? Follow the feeling to its source.<\/p>\n English coaching example: When the real problem<\/span> runs deeper<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n A client had worked his way up through his company. His English was solid professionally \u2013 perfectly adequate for good conversation. But something was missing \u2013 a sense of flow. He was too cautious, too focused on not making mistakes. Understandably so: he wanted to project competence.<\/p>\n We worked on small talk, spontaneous conversations, lightness. His English remained stilted.<\/p>\n Eventually I said to him: “I think we won’t get much further with standard English training. The problem lies deeper. Would you be open to exploring that? We could work on it through coaching.”<\/em><\/p>\n He looked at me and said: “I’ve noticed too that I’m going round in circles. I know you now and I trust you. Let’s carry on with coaching.”<\/em><\/p>\n He’d grown up in a high-achieving household with little emotional warmth. He defined himself through his successes. Emotions, creativity, and a sense of physical ease were genuine challenges for him.<\/p>\n Through improvisation, we brought more lightness and humour into our sessions. He discovered that being approachable didn’t undermine his authority \u2013 quite the opposite. He became more accessible to his team, and their results improved.<\/p>\n His English became more fluent: shorter sentences, simpler words at times \u2013 the technical language was already in place. He no longer needed to sound “perfect”. He could focus on what he was genuinely good at. English became a means to an end.<\/p>\n Psychological background:<\/strong> Leadership research (including Amy Edmondson on psychological safety) shows that being approachable doesn’t undermine authority \u2013 it strengthens it, when paired with clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n Like it or not, our brains are wired to focus on the negative. And for a very good, evolutionary reason: the famous sabre-toothed tiger. (I write about this in more detail in my post on Breaking Bad Habits<\/span><\/a>.)<\/p>\n No need to bury your head in the sand, though. Instead, shift the balance \u2013 and broaden your thinking by noticing what you’re grateful for. A gratitude journal is a lovely way to do this. You might even enjoy making it beautiful, so that simply seeing it brings you a little joy.<\/p>\n It trains your eye for the good things in life.<\/p>\n Most worries never come to pass. It really is as simple as that.<\/p>\n In the magazine Psychologies<\/span><\/a>, psychologist Dr Meg Arroll recommends a reality check using the ASK method:<\/p>\n Laughter lifts the mood, boosts the immune system, and deepens social connection. And because laughter truly is the best medicine \u2013 as the old saying goes \u2013 I’ve dedicated a separate blog post to it: “Laughter Makes You Happy & Healthy.”<\/em><\/span><\/a> Happy reading. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Those who only ever stay in their own bubble \u2013 surrounded by like-minded people and familiar thoughts \u2013 stop growing. Experiencing the same things over and over creates a false sense of security and control, but gradually makes us more anxious about anything new or unfamiliar.<\/p>\n Give new things a try. Let yourself be open to the unknown. Not everything will work first time \u2013 and that’s precisely when the mantra from Tip 1 comes in very handy. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Only by continually rising to challenges and being willing to grow through them will you keep developing. Even small steps will get you there. You decide the pace that suits you.<\/p>\n Crises are not an interruption of life. They are part of it. Resilience doesn’t mean being invulnerable \u2013 it means getting back up and growing through adversity.<\/p>\n What is resilience?<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n Resilience is the ability to remain stable and capable of action despite stress and setbacks.<\/em><\/p>\n You can find more on the topic of resilience, along with a short story, here: “Resilience<\/span><\/a>.”<\/em><\/p>\n A particularly important factor in resilience is acceptance<\/strong>. Fighting against things that cannot be changed costs enormous energy. It is only when we accept what is inevitable that new paths open up.<\/p>\n Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer captures it beautifully: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”<\/em><\/p>\n I’ve written a separate blog post on the subject of inner calm: “The Yes, And Principle for Finding your Composure.”<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Happiness begins with your relationship with yourself. But it also needs others.<\/p>\n Research shows that in countries with high levels of mutual trust \u2013 such as Scandinavia (around 65\u201370%) \u2013 people are happier. In Germany, that level of trust sits at around 38%, depending on the study.<\/p>\n When someone is genuinely interested in us and “How are you?”<\/em> isn’t just a pleasantry \u2013 something opens up. The desire for community is there. It just needs to be activated. And we can all do that \u2013 in our personal lives and at work.<\/p>\n “The engine<\/strong> for making society as a whole happier is above all the way we treat one another \u2013 and ourselves,”<\/em> says Maike van den Boom. “Scandinavians are extraordinarily good at being gentle with themselves and with others, and at letting people grow.”<\/em><\/p>\n Harnessing that in order to move forward as a society is, she says, the secret to happiness.<\/p>\n Here you can combine several things that do you good \u2013 and they work wonderfully together: movement that lifts your mood, the calm of nature, and fresh air and light that support your inner rhythm. (Suzy Reading, psychologist.)<\/p>\n Green \u2013 in all its shades \u2013 soothes the eyes and helps you come back to yourself.<\/p>\n English coaching example: Describing around a word instead of grinding to a halt<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n A client spoke good English \u2013 more than enough for a proper conversation. Then, all of a sudden, a phrase escaped him. The conversation stalled. He could have easily talked around the missing expression.<\/p>\n I asked: “What else can you say instead of ‘es ist egal’?” (it doesn’t matter)<\/em> I then reflected back to him that no one notices when a word escapes you mid-conversation and you talk around it \u2013 it’s something we all have to do constantly.<\/p>\n The detour of description isn’t a detour at all \u2013 it is<\/em> the training. Someone who has learnt to express their thoughts flexibly will stay fluent in conversation, even when a word slips away. That’s one of the things that makes the difference between a flowing exchange and a halting one.<\/p>\n Flexibility and the ability to improvise serve us well in life generally.<\/p>\n Being happy is a choice \u2013 not a state that simply happens to you. Yes, external circumstances play a role. But we have more influence than we often believe.<\/p>\n For me personally, my faith is part of it too \u2013 it gives me trust, stability, and love. Love, to my mind, is the connecting thread that holds us all together.<\/p>\n We can all play our part \u2013 to make this world a better place.<\/p>\n Or, as Maike van den Boom put it so well: we are<\/em> society. Each of us is the smallest unit of society. When we all contribute something, things change. We are not helpless.<\/p>\n What makes you happy? Every step counts. Even the small ones: “I’m doing my best \u2013 and that’s enough.”<\/em><\/p>\n Alongside the ten points above, don’t forget: What makes you happy? I’d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n Coaching, or targeted English training, can support you with whatever you’re working on personally.<\/p>\n If you recognise yourself in any of the examples above \u2013 or if you sense that you’re stuck and can’t quite get there on your own \u2013 do have a look at my coaching offer<\/span><\/a> or English training<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n
\nWhat Gets in the Way of Our Happiness?<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Why do so many Germans find it difficult to be happy?<\/span><\/h4>\n
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What Germany Can Learn from Northern Europe<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
\n![\"Schild](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Glueck-Perfektion-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-1-300x200.jpg\")
<\/h2>\nHow Does Perfectionism Affect Our Happiness?<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
A brief detour into English speaking<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n
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<\/h2>\nThree Forms of Happiness<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
What kinds of happiness are there?<\/span><\/h4>\n
\nHappiness Is Not the Absence of Unhappiness<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
\n![\"Notebook](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Glueck-Notebook-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x199.jpg\")
<\/h2>\n10 Ways to Boost Your Happiness<\/span> \u2013 Practical and Ready to Use<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Self-Compassion \u2013 The Foundation<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\nShe said: “I wouldn’t get the job.”<\/em>
\nI said: “And what would that mean?”<\/em>
\nShe replied: “I’d stay in my current position.”<\/em>
\nI said: “But at least you’d have tried.”<\/em>
\nShe nodded and smiled. “Yes. I’m frightened \u2013 but I’m facing my fears. And that makes me proud.”<\/em><\/p>\n
\n2. Attitude \u2013 Knowing Your Values and Living by Them<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n3. Emotions \u2013 Your Inner Messengers<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n4. Gratitude<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n5. Reality Check & Change of Perspective: The ASK Process<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n6. Laughter \u2013 The Underrated Medicine<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n7. Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone and Your Bubble<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n8. Resilience \u2013 The Strength Within You<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n9. Relationships and Human Connection<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n10. Movement + Nature<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\nLanguage Learning as a Mirror of Inner Attitude<\/span><\/h4>\n
\nHe thought for a moment: “I’m stuck right now.”<\/em>
\nI said: “No worries. How about: ‘Ich kann von zu Hause arbeiten oder im B\u00fcro \u2013 ich habe die Wahl’?” (I can work from home or in the office \u2013 I’ve got a choice.)<\/em>
\nHe said: “I can work from home or in the office \u2013 my choice.”<\/em>
\nI said: “Perfect. And now the missing phrase: ‘It doesn’t matter where I work.'”<\/em><\/p>\n
\nA Personal Note<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\nSummary: 10 Ways to Boost Your Happiness<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
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\nWhat makes you happy?<\/span> <\/strong><\/h2>\n
\nEvery step counts. Even the small ones: “I’m doing my best \u2013 and that’s enough.”<\/em><\/p>\n![\"Kleebl\u00e4tter](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Glueck-Kleeblattreihe-Resilienz-Training-Stress-Gelassenheit-Be-Connected_Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Adventures-on-the-road-300x90.png\")
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\nWhat Can I Do If I’m Struggling to Move Forward on My Own?<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n