![\"Tafel](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Selbstvertrauen-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x200.jpg\")
Boosting Self-Confidence<\/h5>\n
Boosting your self-confidence \u2013 it often sounds easier said than done. And yet, self-confidence isn\u2019t a personality trait; it\u2019s a skill that can be learned. It develops step by step: in everyday life and in challenging situations \u2013 but above all through the way we relate to ourselves.<\/p>\n
What is self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nSelf-confidence is the inner conviction that you can rely on your own abilities, decisions and feelings \u2013 in other words, that you trust yourself. It isn\u2019t something we are born with, but a skill that grows through experience and conscious action.<\/p>\n
Sounds good so far. But if we\u2019re honest \u2013 aren\u2019t there situations where we wish we had more of it? If you handle those with ease: congratulations \ud83d\ude42 If you feel there\u2019s room for growth, I\u2019d like to invite you to read on and take away a few valuable insights.<\/p>\n
When I speak of self-confidence<\/em>, I mean that inner certainty:
I can rely on myself \u2013 even when things get difficult.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n![\"Eine](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Frau-erschoepft-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x200.jpg\")
<\/h2>\nStanding up for yourself \u2013 the starting point<\/span><\/h2>\nDo you recognise these moments?<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- You say yes \u2013 even though something inside you clearly says \u201cno\u201d<\/li>\n
- Your body sets limits that you keep ignoring.<\/li>\n
- You feel someone crossing a boundary, yet you let it happen.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And then comes that moment when you feel annoyed with yourself.<\/p>\n
Good. Really? Yes.<\/p>\n
Because that frustration is a compass \u2013 it shows you that something isn\u2019t right, and it can be the starting point for real change.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s face it: humans are creatures of habit. We don\u2019t change unless we have to \u2013 the brain prefers to conserve energy for what it sees as more important. Why change a system that\u2019s running?<\/p>\n
This is where emotions come in. They are a powerful guide. They show us what feels right \u2013 and what doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\nBoosting your self-confidence \u2013 five strategies that help<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nConfidence doesn\u2019t grow by waiting. It grows through action \u2013 regularly, in manageable steps, and with tangible successes that keep you motivated. Here are five strategies to support you:<\/p>\n
![\"Laptop](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/English-Never-stop-learning-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x170.jpg\")
<\/h3>\n1. See change as a learning opportunity \u2013 not a threat<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYour brain initially labels the unknown as a threat \u2013 that\u2019s evolution, not a flaw. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n
If, for example, you\u2019re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.<\/p>\n
What can you do yourself?<\/strong><\/h4>\nSelf-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nA client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\nWe approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n\n- gathering information <\/em><\/li>\n
- chalking up small wins <\/em><\/li>\n
- practising the tricky parts along the way<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nWe can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\nConfidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n
\n![\"Eine](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Power-Posing-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x156.jpg\")
<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYou can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n- Power posing<\/strong>: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/span><\/span> (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you\u2019d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: \u201cPower Posing \u2013 Mindset & Embodiment\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Smiling is just as powerful<\/strong>: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones \u2013 and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: \u201cLaughter is good for your health\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Breathing<\/strong>: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nThis one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n
But mistakes show something important:\u00a0
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\nIt doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n![\"Schild](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Glueck-Perfektion-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-1-300x200.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nComparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nOne of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\nShe recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\nOnce she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n
\n![\"Tafel](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Story-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x200.jpg\")
<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nEvery time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n
\n- setting boundaries<\/li>\n
- recognising your needs<\/li>\n
- making decisions<\/li>\n
- standing up for yourself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\nConfidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\nTrusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\nCoaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n
\nCan self-confidence really be learned? ![\"H\u00e4kchen](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Haekchen-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x250.jpg\")
<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n
Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\nFor me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nIt varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n
\n![\"Tafel](\"https:\/\/bettina-bonkas.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Step-Resilienz-Training-Be-Connected-Bettina-Bonkas-Coaching-Sprachen-sinnvoll-lernen-Englisch-300x200.jpg\")
<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nWhich of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n
If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n
Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n
\u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
\n
I can rely on myself \u2013 even when things get difficult.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n
<\/h2>\nStanding up for yourself \u2013 the starting point<\/span><\/h2>\nDo you recognise these moments?<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- You say yes \u2013 even though something inside you clearly says \u201cno\u201d<\/li>\n
- Your body sets limits that you keep ignoring.<\/li>\n
- You feel someone crossing a boundary, yet you let it happen.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And then comes that moment when you feel annoyed with yourself.<\/p>\n
Good. Really? Yes.<\/p>\n
Because that frustration is a compass \u2013 it shows you that something isn\u2019t right, and it can be the starting point for real change.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s face it: humans are creatures of habit. We don\u2019t change unless we have to \u2013 the brain prefers to conserve energy for what it sees as more important. Why change a system that\u2019s running?<\/p>\n
This is where emotions come in. They are a powerful guide. They show us what feels right \u2013 and what doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\nBoosting your self-confidence \u2013 five strategies that help<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nConfidence doesn\u2019t grow by waiting. It grows through action \u2013 regularly, in manageable steps, and with tangible successes that keep you motivated. Here are five strategies to support you:<\/p>\n
<\/h3>\n1. See change as a learning opportunity \u2013 not a threat<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYour brain initially labels the unknown as a threat \u2013 that\u2019s evolution, not a flaw. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n
If, for example, you\u2019re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.<\/p>\n
What can you do yourself?<\/strong><\/h4>\nSelf-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nA client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\nWe approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n\n- gathering information <\/em><\/li>\n
- chalking up small wins <\/em><\/li>\n
- practising the tricky parts along the way<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nWe can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\nConfidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYou can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n- Power posing<\/strong>: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/span><\/span> (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you\u2019d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: \u201cPower Posing \u2013 Mindset & Embodiment\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Smiling is just as powerful<\/strong>: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones \u2013 and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: \u201cLaughter is good for your health\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Breathing<\/strong>: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nThis one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n
But mistakes show something important:\u00a0
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\nIt doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nComparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nOne of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\nShe recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\nOnce she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nEvery time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n
\n- setting boundaries<\/li>\n
- recognising your needs<\/li>\n
- making decisions<\/li>\n
- standing up for yourself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\nConfidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\nTrusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\nCoaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n
\nCan self-confidence really be learned? <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n
Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\nFor me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nIt varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nWhich of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n
If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n
Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n
\u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
\n
Do you recognise these moments?<\/span><\/h4>\n\n- You say yes \u2013 even though something inside you clearly says \u201cno\u201d<\/li>\n
- Your body sets limits that you keep ignoring.<\/li>\n
- You feel someone crossing a boundary, yet you let it happen.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And then comes that moment when you feel annoyed with yourself.<\/p>\n
Good. Really? Yes.<\/p>\n
Because that frustration is a compass \u2013 it shows you that something isn\u2019t right, and it can be the starting point for real change.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s face it: humans are creatures of habit. We don\u2019t change unless we have to \u2013 the brain prefers to conserve energy for what it sees as more important. Why change a system that\u2019s running?<\/p>\n
This is where emotions come in. They are a powerful guide. They show us what feels right \u2013 and what doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\nBoosting your self-confidence \u2013 five strategies that help<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nConfidence doesn\u2019t grow by waiting. It grows through action \u2013 regularly, in manageable steps, and with tangible successes that keep you motivated. Here are five strategies to support you:<\/p>\n
<\/h3>\n1. See change as a learning opportunity \u2013 not a threat<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYour brain initially labels the unknown as a threat \u2013 that\u2019s evolution, not a flaw. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n
If, for example, you\u2019re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.<\/p>\n
What can you do yourself?<\/strong><\/h4>\nSelf-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nA client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\nWe approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n\n- gathering information <\/em><\/li>\n
- chalking up small wins <\/em><\/li>\n
- practising the tricky parts along the way<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nWe can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\nConfidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYou can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n- Power posing<\/strong>: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/span><\/span> (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you\u2019d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: \u201cPower Posing \u2013 Mindset & Embodiment\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Smiling is just as powerful<\/strong>: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones \u2013 and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: \u201cLaughter is good for your health\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Breathing<\/strong>: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nThis one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n
But mistakes show something important:\u00a0
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\nIt doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nComparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nOne of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\nShe recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\nOnce she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nEvery time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n
\n- setting boundaries<\/li>\n
- recognising your needs<\/li>\n
- making decisions<\/li>\n
- standing up for yourself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\nConfidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\nTrusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\nCoaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n
\nCan self-confidence really be learned? <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n
Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\nFor me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nIt varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nWhich of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n
If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n
Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n
\u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
\n
And then comes that moment when you feel annoyed with yourself.<\/p>\n
Good. Really? Yes.<\/p>\n
Because that frustration is a compass \u2013 it shows you that something isn\u2019t right, and it can be the starting point for real change.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s face it: humans are creatures of habit. We don\u2019t change unless we have to \u2013 the brain prefers to conserve energy for what it sees as more important. Why change a system that\u2019s running?<\/p>\n
This is where emotions come in. They are a powerful guide. They show us what feels right \u2013 and what doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
\n
Boosting your self-confidence \u2013 five strategies that help<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nConfidence doesn\u2019t grow by waiting. It grows through action \u2013 regularly, in manageable steps, and with tangible successes that keep you motivated. Here are five strategies to support you:<\/p>\n
<\/h3>\n1. See change as a learning opportunity \u2013 not a threat<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYour brain initially labels the unknown as a threat \u2013 that\u2019s evolution, not a flaw. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n
If, for example, you\u2019re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.<\/p>\n
What can you do yourself?<\/strong><\/h4>\nSelf-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nA client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\nWe approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n\n- gathering information <\/em><\/li>\n
- chalking up small wins <\/em><\/li>\n
- practising the tricky parts along the way<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nWe can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\nConfidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYou can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n- Power posing<\/strong>: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/span><\/span> (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you\u2019d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: \u201cPower Posing \u2013 Mindset & Embodiment\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Smiling is just as powerful<\/strong>: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones \u2013 and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: \u201cLaughter is good for your health\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Breathing<\/strong>: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nThis one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n
But mistakes show something important:\u00a0
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\nIt doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nComparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nOne of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\nShe recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\nOnce she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nEvery time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n
\n- setting boundaries<\/li>\n
- recognising your needs<\/li>\n
- making decisions<\/li>\n
- standing up for yourself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\nConfidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\nTrusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\nCoaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n
\nCan self-confidence really be learned? <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n
Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\nFor me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nIt varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nWhich of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n
If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n
Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n
\u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
\n
<\/h3>\n1. See change as a learning opportunity \u2013 not a threat<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYour brain initially labels the unknown as a threat \u2013 that\u2019s evolution, not a flaw. It\u2019s trying to protect you.<\/p>\n
If, for example, you\u2019re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.<\/p>\n
What can you do yourself?<\/strong><\/h4>\nSelf-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nA client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\nWe approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n\n- gathering information <\/em><\/li>\n
- chalking up small wins <\/em><\/li>\n
- practising the tricky parts along the way<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\nWe can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIt was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\nConfidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYou can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n- Power posing<\/strong>: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy<\/span><\/span> (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you\u2019d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: \u201cPower Posing \u2013 Mindset & Embodiment\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Smiling is just as powerful<\/strong>: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones \u2013 and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: \u201cLaughter is good for your health\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n
- Breathing<\/strong>: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nThis one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n
But mistakes show something important:\u00a0
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\nIt doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nComparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\nOne of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\nShe recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\nOnce she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n
\n<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nEvery time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n
\n- setting boundaries<\/li>\n
- recognising your needs<\/li>\n
- making decisions<\/li>\n
- standing up for yourself<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\nConfidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\nTrusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\nCoaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWe worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n
\nCan self-confidence really be learned? <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nYes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n
Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\nFor me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\nIt varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n
\n<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nWhich of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n
If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n
Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n
\u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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Self-confidence grows through positive experiences \u2014 even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps f\u00fcrs Englisch lernen<\/a>)<\/span><\/p>\n A client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb. <\/em><\/p>\n We approached it like a mountain trek: <\/em><\/p>\n When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all \u2013 he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: \u201cI have to get everything right.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n We can\u2019t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: \u201cNot perfect, but willing to learn \u2013 the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n It was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.<\/em><\/p>\n *We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n Confidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.<\/p>\n You can\u2019t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted \u2013 for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.<\/p>\n Mindset matters, yes. But it isn\u2019t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.<\/p>\n This one is close to my heart. We\u2019ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism \u2013 their own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n But mistakes show something important:\u00a0 As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:<\/p>\n “Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”<\/strong><\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences \u2013 so that we keep going. In my article \u201cStep by Step to Your Goal \u2013 Turn Your Goals into Reality\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/a>, I write exactly about this.<\/p>\n Comparisons are normal \u2014 but they\u2019re often unfair.<\/p>\n On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.<\/p>\n Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.<\/p>\n One of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.<\/em><\/p>\n She recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian \u2013 and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.<\/em><\/p>\n Once she confronted these \u2013 admittedly uncomfortable \u2013 feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI bring not only professional expertise but also life experience \u2013 and I can trust in my own abilities.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n “Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”<\/strong><\/p>\n – Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach<\/p>\n Every time you stand up for yourself \u2013 no matter how small the step \u2013 you send yourself a powerful message:<\/strong> I can rely on myself.<\/strong><\/p>\n Self-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work \u2013 and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?<\/em><\/p>\n Self-confidence develops through:<\/p>\n You\u2019ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up \u2013 after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?<\/p>\n The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense \u2013 kindness allows us to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\n Confidence isn\u2019t a fixed state \u2013 it\u2019s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.<\/strong><\/p>\n Trusting yourself doesn\u2019t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it.\u00a0Pay attention to what you need right now \u2013 and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.<\/strong><\/p>\n And remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That\u2019s what makes it interesting. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n “I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.<\/em><\/p>\n Being kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”<\/em><\/p>\n Coaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas<\/em><\/p>\n We worked with \u201creparenting\u201d in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren\u2019t met in childhood \u2013 as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable \u2013 adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love \u2013 in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.<\/p>\n What\u2019s your story? Would you like to share? I\u2019d love to hear it.<\/p>\n Yes \u2013 and that\u2019s one of the most important insights.\u00a0Self-confidence isn\u2019t something you\u2019re born with. It\u2019s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.<\/p>\n Every step counts. Even physical signals \u2013 like calm, deep breathing \u2013 tell your nervous system: I am safe.<\/em><\/p>\n For me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves \u2013 with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective \u2013 especially towards ourselves.<\/p>\n It varies from person to person.\u00a0Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think \u2013 because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.<\/p>\n In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks \u2013 not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.<\/p>\n Which of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there \u2013 with one small, concrete step today.<\/p>\n If you feel you\u2019d like support \u2013 whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change \u2013 I\u2019d be glad to support you.<\/p>\n I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching \u2013 online and in person, for individuals and companies.<\/p>\n Just get in touch \u2013 I\u2019d love to hear your story.<\/p>\n \u2192 Get in touch<\/strong>: bettina-bonkas.com\/contact<\/span><\/a>
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\n<\/h3>\n2. Don\u2019t forget the body \u2013 embodiment is key<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
Three simple yet powerful impulses:<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n
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\n3. Say yes to mistakes \u2013 and no to perfection<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try.\u00a0What exactly is there to reject about that?<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n4. Step out of the comparison trap<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
\nAn example from my coaching practice<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n<\/h3>\n5. Be your own best friend \u2013 and live who you truly are<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
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\nAn example from my coaching practise<\/span><\/h4>\n
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\nCan self-confidence really be learned?
<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
\nHow long does it take to build self-confidence?<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
\n<\/h2>\nYour next step<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
\u2192 Learn more about coaching<\/strong>: Life & Business Coaching<\/span><\/a>
\u2192 Learn more about English coaching<\/strong>: Offer & Information<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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