Building Self-Confidence: 5 Strategies for Greater Inner Strength + Practical Examples
Building Self-Confidence
Building Self-ConfidenceBuilding self-confidence – it often sounds easier said than done. And yet, self-confidence isn’t a personality trait; it’s a skill that can be learned. It develops step by step: in everyday life and in challenging situations – but above all through the way we relate to ourselves.
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is the inner conviction that you can rely on your own abilities, decisions and feelings – in other words, that you trust yourself. It isn’t something we are born with, but a skill that grows through experience and conscious action.
Sounds good so far. But if we’re honest – aren’t there situations where we wish we had more of it? If you handle those with ease: congratulations 🙂 If you feel there’s room for growth, I’d like to invite you to read on and take away a few valuable insights.
When I speak of self-confidence, I mean that inner certainty:
I can rely on myself – even when things get difficult.
Standing up for yourself – the starting point
Do you recognise these moments?
- You say yes – even though something inside you clearly says “no”
- Your body sets limits that you keep ignoring.
- You feel someone crossing a boundary, yet you let it happen.
And then comes that moment when you feel annoyed with yourself.
Good. Really? Yes.
Because that frustration is a compass – it shows you that something isn’t right, and it can be the starting point for real change.
Let’s face it: humans are creatures of habit. We don’t change unless we have to – the brain prefers to conserve energy for what it sees as more important. Why change a system that’s running?
This is where emotions come in. They are a powerful guide. They show us what feels right – and what doesn’t.
Building self-confidence – five strategies that help
Confidence doesn’t grow by waiting. It grows through action – regularly, in manageable steps, and with tangible successes that keep you motivated. Here are five strategies to support you:
1. See change as a learning opportunity – not a threat
Your brain initially labels the unknown as a threat – that’s evolution, not a flaw. It’s trying to protect you.
If, for example, you’re giving a presentation in English and lack practice, your brain may perceive it as risky. It wants to shield you from potential embarrassment.
What can you do yourself?
Self-confidence grows through positive experiences — even small successes matter. When you show yourself step by step that a situation is safe, your brain also learns to relax, for example when learning English. (Tipps fürs Englisch lernen)
An example from my coaching practice
A client of mine, who is passionate about hiking in the mountains, wanted to make a career change. Going for a job interview in English was a real challenge for him. At first, it felt like a distant, towering peak he needed to climb.
We approached it like a mountain trek:
- gathering information
- chalking up small wins
- practising the tricky parts along the way
When it came to actual mountaineering, he had no doubts at all – he was a naturally confident person. But with English, one belief was holding him back: “I have to get everything right.”
We can’t simply erase such limiting beliefs, but we can overwrite them. His new one became: “Not perfect, but willing to learn – the rest just slides off me, like Teflon*.”
It was a process that took time & patience and was intense at times. But it worked: he got the job, and, more importantly, he gained a sense of calm and ease.
*We had talked about Teflon: “Teflon: 80 years of not sticking to things”.
Confidence is not a personality trait, but rather a skill that can be learned and an attitude we have towards ourselves. Like a muscle: every small challenge strengthens us.
2. Don’t forget the body – embodiment is key
You can’t think your way into confidence if your nervous system is exhausted – for example, through constant negative self-talk or pushing yourself too hard.
Mindset matters, yes. But it isn’t enough on its own. The body needs to be on board.
Three simple yet powerful impulses:
- Power posing: Stand upright, shoulders back. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy (Harvard) shows that this can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone. If you’d like to explore this further, you can find more in my article: “Power Posing – Mindset & Embodiment”
- Smiling is just as powerful: A smile can prompt your brain to release feel-good hormones – and lift your mood. Curious to explore more? You can read my article: “Laughter is good for your health”
- Breathing: Deep belly breathing is essential. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system. Exercise can strengthen this effect even further.
3. Say yes to mistakes – and no to perfection
This one is close to my heart. We’ve often been conditioned to associate mistakes with failure rather than growth. Time and again, I see people struggle under the weight of perfectionism – their own or others’.
But mistakes show something important:
They prove that we are taking action. That we are daring to try. What exactly is there to reject about that?
As psychologist Dr Jenna Vyas-Lee puts it:
“Failure is the most efficient feedback system we have. It shows us not only what doesn’t work – but also what still matters enough to try again.”
It doesn’t take the perfect moment. It just takes a first step. And then another. What matters is that, along the way, we take manageable steps and fill them with positive experiences – so that we keep going. In my article “Step by Step to Your Goal – Turn Your Goals into Reality”, I write exactly about this.
4. Step out of the comparison trap
Comparisons are normal — but they’re often unfair.
On social media, people usually share the outcome, not what it took to get there.
Comparing yourself to others can reduce your self-confidence and negatively affect your self-esteem.
An example from my coaching practice
One of my clients constantly compared herself to a younger colleague who had studied abroad and felt envious. When she allowed herself to face that feeling, something shifted.
She recognised what she could truly be proud of: her engineering degree in the former GDR, her professional experience in the Soviet Union, her very good Russian – and above all, her courage to rebuild her life after the fall of the Berlin Wall.
Once she confronted these – admittedly uncomfortable – feelings, we able to truly focus on her English. She also realised that good is good enough. And more importantly:
“I bring not only professional expertise but also life experience – and I can trust in my own abilities.”
“Confidence and comparison can’t coexist. One grows from inward trust, the other from outward evaluation.”
– Taz Thornton, Empowerment Coach
5. Be your own best friend – and live who you truly are
Every time you stand up for yourself – no matter how small the step – you send yourself a powerful message: I can rely on myself.
Self-confidence grows in big moments, but also in everyday life. It develops through the many situations life presents: career changes, training, the end of relationships, illness, balancing family and work – and not least in setting aside time for yourself. The key is not just getting through it, but pausing and asking: What truly matters to me?
Self-confidence develops through:
- setting boundaries
- recognising your needs
- making decisions
- standing up for yourself
You’ve already proven, time and again, that you can get back up – after loss, after change, after setbacks. Have you ever truly acknowledged yourself for that?
The more kindly and compassionately we treat ourselves, the braver we become. Harshness makes us tense – kindness allows us to grow.
Confidence isn’t a fixed state – it’s self-trust in motion. And it grows through action.
Trusting yourself doesn’t mean never pushing yourself or never looking at others. It means: Know your story. Own it with pride. And keep writing it. Pay attention to what you need right now – and give it to yourself. Because you are worth it. Most importantly, be who you really are.
And remember: every good story has its ups and downs. That’s what makes it interesting. 🙂
Building self-confidence means developing a stable relationship with yourself.
An example from my coaching practise
“I used to put my own needs last. With emotionally immature parents, it’s not about the child’s wellbeing but their own. Standing up for myself – and even praising myself when I managed to set boundaries – was a real learning process.
Being kind to myself, even when I didn’t manage it, and trusting there would be another opportunity – that’s what I learned with you. It was incredibly important to me.”
Coaching client, Be Connected by Bettina Bonkas
We worked with “reparenting” in this process. When emotional and physical needs weren’t met in childhood – as in the case of my client, whose parents were emotionally unavailable – adulthood gives us the chance to provide ourselves with what we need. This includes safety, nurturing and compassion, emotional regulation, and setting boundaries. With my client, we also worked on self-praise and self-love – in other words, developing for herself the caring inner voice that had been missing earlier.
What’s your story? Would you like to share? I’d love to hear it.
Can self-confidence really be learned? 
Yes – and that’s one of the most important insights. Self-confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill that develops through experience, conscious action and small successes.
Every step counts. Even physical signals – like calm, deep breathing – tell your nervous system: I am safe.
For me, the key lies in how we treat ourselves – with harshness or with kindness. Because confidence needs an open and friendly perspective – especially towards ourselves.
How long does it take to build self-confidence?
It varies from person to person. Small, consistent steps often work faster than we think – because they give the nervous system exactly what it needs: a sense of safety.
In my work, I see many clients noticing a difference after just a few weeks – not because everything has changed, but because they relate to themselves differently.
Your next step
Which of these five strategies resonates most with you? Start right there – with one small, concrete step today.
If you feel you’d like support – whether in building self-confidence, speaking English, or navigating a career change – I’d be glad to support you.
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching – online and in person, for individuals and companies.
Just get in touch – I’d love to hear your story.
→ Get in touch: bettina-bonkas.com/contact
→ Learn more about coaching: Life & Business Coaching
→ Learn more about English coaching: Offer & Information
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Please note
This article does not replace therapy. Sometimes challenges run deeper, and professional support is needed.