Dopamine & Motivation
No Motivation? What Dopamine Has to Do With It
Dopamine & Motivationby Bettina Bonkas – English | Coaching | Resilience + Improvisation | Hypnosis Reading time: approx. 8 minutes, Video: 12 minutes (English)
Sounds familiar? You want to exercise. Or finally get started on that project. Or go to bed earlier. But instead you scroll through Instagram, watch another episode on Netflix, or reach for some chocolate – even though you didn’t really want to.
And then comes that uncomfortable feeling: Why do I have so little discipline? You carry on and feel even worse.
Dr Anna Lembke – psychiatrist at Stanford University, Medical Director of Stanford Addiction Medicine, and bestselling author of Dopamine Nation – has a clear answer:
“You’re not unmotivated. You’re overstimulated.”
Dr. Anna Lembke, psychiatrist at Standford University
In an interesting interview with Mel Robbins, bestselling author and podcast host, Dr Lembke explains what happens in our brains – and how we can find our way back to motivation, energy and genuine enjoyment.
And exactly this question – how to move from knowing to doing — comes up again and again. Miriam from Dublin put it like this recently:
“Hi Bettina, I know it’s better for me to go for a run than to scroll on my phone. Why can’t I just do it?”
A powerful question that many of us can relate to. In my video I address exactly that: dopamine, brain basics, why social media can outsmart us so effectively – and what actually helps to get us moving:
Video – approx. 12 minutes, in English
No Motivation? What Dopamine Has to Do With It
Dopamine and Motivation: What’s Happening in Your Brain
Dopamine is not a “happiness hormone” – that’s a widespread misconception.
Dopamine is the motivation hormone. It’s the signal our brain releases when it identifies something as important and worth pursuing. It tells us: I want that again. I need that.
Scientifically speaking: the more dopamine an experience triggers, the more strongly it’s stored as meaningful – and the stronger the urge to repeat it.
⇒ Dopamine doesn’t make us happy – it makes us hungry for more.
And that’s exactly the problem in today’s world.
The Pendulum: Pleasure and Pain Balance Each Other Out
Dr Lembke explains this principle through a vivid image: imagine a seesaw. On one side sits pleasure, on the other side discomfort. I prefer the metaphor of a pendulum – the principle is the same.
Our brain is designed to keep the pendulum horizontal: it constantly seeks balance.
Neuroscientists call this homeostasis – the natural resting state our brain continually strives to return to.
Like a thermostat that keeps a room at a steady temperature, our brain constantly regulates our internal states – body temperature, heart rate, hormone levels, and yes, our mood too.
What happens when we experience something pleasant? The pendulum swings towards pleasure and dopamine is released.
But then the brain steps in to correct: it sends little “gremlins” – Dr Lembke’s term – that settle on the pain side of the pendulum to bring it back into balance. The result? We feel worse afterwards than we did before. Restless. Empty. Slightly irritable.
And what do we do then? We reach again for the thing that gave us a brief good feeling.
The cycle starts over. What I’ve described above is, of course, a simplified version.
⇒ Important to note: this doesn’t apply equally to every pleasant experience.
Let’s look at that now.
AI generated
But Does This Apply to Everything – Even a Good Meal or a Film?
This is something I find really important.
Yes, the pendulum principle applies to all pleasant experiences in general. After a good meal or a film you’ve enjoyed, the brain returns to homeostasis. That’s normal and healthy – it’s what it’s built for.
⇒ The crucial difference lies in intensity.
Dr Lembke puts it this way: science uses dopamine as a kind of currency to measure the addictive potential of experiences. The more dopamine is released, and the faster it happens, the stronger the pull towards repetition.
A good conversation, a delicious meal, a film that moves you – these moments tend to leave a lasting sense of wellbeing, because the pendulum swings back gently and naturally.
The gremlins make themselves heard most loudly when we reach for fast, intense stimulation: more and more wine, the next video, the next purchase. The further the pendulum swings in one direction, the harder it swings back. The result? We feel worse afterwards than before. Restless. Empty. Slightly irritable.
A home-cooked meal that leaves us satisfied. A film that touches us. A good conversation that stirs something in us. These are natural rewards – they trigger moderate amounts of dopamine, the pendulum finds its balance quickly, and we’re not automatically left craving more.
Highly processed stimuli are a different matter: crisps seasoned so perfectly you can’t stop. Short video clips that get faster and more surprising with every scroll. Social media feeds algorithmically designed to keep you hooked. These stimuli activate the dopamine system with an intensity our brains simply weren’t built for.
The brain can actually tell the difference between a fulfilling evening with a good film and a reels loop – not morally, but neurologically. Our sense that one is somehow different from the other is scientifically correct.
Overstimulation: When the Brain Goes Numb
I find this particularly important.
When we repeatedly push our pendulum hard towards the pleasure side through fast, intense stimulation, the brain adapts. Over time, it needs more and more to generate the same feeling. Experts call this tolerance.
At the same time, our baseline shifts. What once felt “normal” now feels empty. What once brought joy now feels flat.
Our brain becomes increasingly addicted to novelty. Research shows that unpredictability and surprise activate the dopamine system particularly strongly. That’s precisely how social media algorithms are built. The thrill of the new. And because we become accustomed to ever more intense stimulation, we get bored more quickly – in real life too.
The result: concentration, genuine joy, motivation for tasks that require time and patience – all of it feels increasingly difficult.
Dr Lembke’s Own Story
What makes this interview special: Dr Lembke shares her own story.
The psychiatrist who works with addiction every day developed one herself – to romance novels. In her book Dopamine Nation she writes about it: it started with the Twilight saga – “my gateway drug,” as she calls it. When she got a Kindle, she was grateful that no one could see the embarrassing covers. She read between patient appointments and stayed up later and later at night. What began as a harmless habit became, over more than two years, an increasingly consuming pattern.
Dr Lembke’s story shows: these brain mechanisms affect all of us. Even those who understand them best.
Source: Anna Lembke, “Dopamine Nation” and “Addicted to Dopamine” – UNSW Centre for Ideas
Why “Easy Dopamine” Becomes a Problem
Our brains were never designed for a world of constantly available, high-intensity rewards. In the past, pleasure required effort: foraging for food, hunting, building social bonds. All of that took time, energy, and commitment. But that’s exactly what humans were adapted for: making an effort was how you survived and moved forward. From an evolutionary perspective, the way our brains work makes perfect sense.
Today? A swipe of the thumb. A click. A scroll.
Social media, box sets, junk food, online shopping – all of it delivers fast, easy dopamine. And the more of it we get, the more we need to generate the same feeling. It’s like crisps or chocolate: stopping is hard.
At the same time, our capacity to find pleasure in simple things quietly diminishes – a conversation, a walk, quiet work that moves us forward.
The result: Everything important feels like an effort. Everything easy no longer feels quite good enough.
Dr Lembke calls this a kind of collective anhedonia: we unlearn how to feel joy.
Please note This post is not a substitute for therapy. Sometimes exhaustion or lack of drive runs deeper, and professional support is what’s needed.
Dopamine Detox: What It Does and How It Works
Dr Lembke recommends what she calls a “dopamine detox“: a deliberate break from whatever triggers your dopamine spiral.
This doesn’t mean stripping all pleasure from your life. It’s about targeted, time-limited pauses – ideally three to four weeks.
In practice, this might look like:
- No scrolling through social media after waking up – put the phone away
- Replacing binge-watching with conscious viewing (one episode instead of four)
- Keeping your phone out of reach in the evening
What can support the process? Movement and exercise. They activate the dopamine system via the pain side of the pendulum: the effort pushes the pendulum briefly towards discomfort, but the brain responds with a dopamine release – without the subsequent crash. This actively supports the return to homeostasis.
The key message: discomfort is not a problem. It’s the signal that your brain is recalibrating.
Dr Lembke describes it this way: the pendulum needs to find its balance before we can experience genuine joy again. It might take a while – but it works.
Why Exercise and Challenge Activate Dopamine
Here’s where it gets particularly interesting: Dr Lembke explains that pain and challenge tip the pendulum in the opposite direction – towards discomfort. So far, so clear. But our clever brain responds by releasing dopamine to restore the balance.
This explains why exercise, cold water immersion, difficult tasks, or even challenging conversations often leave us feeling better than short-term distractions.
Not in spite of the discomfort. Because of it.
What This Has to Do With Resilience
In my work, I meet people who ask themselves: why is change so hard for me? Why can’t I get going, even when I know what’s good for me?
A lack of willpower is often not the real issue.
What’s more likely is that our nervous system has been trained towards easy rewards. And real change – in work, in relationships, in our own outlook – is rarely easy. It demands persistence, patience, and the ability to sit with discomfort.
But here’s the good news: the brain is capable of learning. That’s what we call neuroplasticity.
When we teach our brain again to reward patience — and to experience genuine effort as meaningful – it’s not just our motivation that changes. It changes how we relate to ourselves.
And that is resilience at its core: not the absence of difficulty, but the confidence that we can handle it.
And the beautiful thing is: with every challenge we work through, that confidence in ourselves grows more and more.
A Real-Life Example: From “I Can’t Do English” to Real Motivation
A client came to me because he needed English for his job: meetings with his UK team, presentations, international client contacts. He attended the coaching sessions, but nothing happened in between. The motivation simply wasn’t there.
What was really going on? A belief that had been with him since school: “I can’t do English.” His teacher had told him he should find a job that didn’t require English. That had stayed with him.
At the same time, his daily life looked like many of ours: phone first thing in the morning, a demanding day at work, evenings spent streaming and scrolling through sports news. His nervous system was chronically overstimulated – there was no energy left for learning.
We worked on both: the belief and the overstimulation.
Every coaching session began with a two-minute meditation in English to bring his system down. We made sure he experienced small wins, so he could feel for himself: “Yes, I can.” And I explained what dopamine has to do with motivation and why his brain needed calm, not more stimulation. I brought stillness into our sessions, alongside real learning progress.
(On the topic of goal-setting, I’ve written a separate blog post: Step by Step Towards Your Goal)
The rest? It came almost naturally, because he could feel that it was doing him good. He started the day without his phone and read an English-language magazine (Business Spotlight) over his morning coffee instead. In the car, he listened to a podcast in English (English please) – or simply music. In the evenings, he watched the news in English, and eventually series. Because he enjoyed it, not because he felt he “had to.”
His cycling trips stayed deliberately phone- and headphone-free: just him and the open road.
None of this happened overnight. But he became more focused, calmer, and more motivated. And he saw results that spurred him on to keep going.
Sometimes the real issue isn’t English at all. Sometimes it’s an old belief and a nervous system that’s simply too tired to learn.
My Conclusion and an Invitation to You
You are not too weak and you are not an exception. You live in a world that has become very good at hijacking your brain.
Recognising that is the first step.
The second step is to take a small pause and see what happens.
And the third step? Not to judge yourself when it doesn’t go perfectly. Dr Lembke herself – the expert on exactly this topic – is not immune to it either. That doesn’t make her less competent; on the contrary, it makes her credible..
The podcast episode with Mel Robbins and Dr. Anna Lembke: The Science of Self Control: Find Motivation, Build Willpower, and Increase Your Focus Book: Dr Anna Lembke – Dopamine Nation
Frequently Asked Questions About Dopamine, Motivation and Dopamine Detox
What is dopamine and why does it matter for motivation? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that drives motivation and initiative. It signals what’s worth pursuing and propels us to go after it.
What’s the difference between dopamine and happiness? Dopamine is not a happiness hormone – it’s a motivation hormone. It creates the desire for more, not a sense of contentment. Genuine contentment comes from other neurotransmitters, such as serotonin.
Why do I feel worse after scrolling than I did before? After a dopamine spike, the brain automatically corrects towards discomfort – that’s the “pain side of the pendulum.” The result: emptiness, restlessness, mild irritability. Not weakness but neurology.
What happens in the brain when we use too much social media? Social media is designed to activate the dopamine system with unpredictable, rapid stimulation. The brain adapts and needs ever more stimulation – everyday tasks start to feel dull and demanding by comparison.
Why have I lost my motivation? A common reason: overstimulation through fast rewards. When the brain has too many easy dopamine sources, it unlearns how to experience effort as worthwhile.
Can exercise really help with motivation problems? Yes – and in a rather particular way. Exercise activates dopamine via the “detour” of discomfort: the effort pushes the pendulum briefly towards pain, but the brain responds with dopamine – without the subsequent crash.
What does “dopamine detox” mean? A dopamine detox is a deliberate, time-limited break from activities that trigger fast dopamine release (e.g. social media, box sets, junk food). The goal: to recalibrate the brain so it can experience genuine joy and motivation again.
How long does a dopamine detox take? Dr Lembke recommends around four weeks for strong habits. Even shorter, conscious breaks (a week, a weekend) can have noticeable effects.
Would You Like More Energy and Motivation?
If you feel that you currently have little energy, motivation, or joy in your life, a conversation might be the most useful next step. Sometimes the search for the next dopamine hit isn’t the real challenge – it’s a signal that important needs aren’t being met. I’d be glad to help you get to the bottom of what’s going on.
I offer Business & Life Coaching, resilience training and English coaching – online and in person, for individuals and companies.
Just get in touch – I’d love to hear your story.
→ Get in touch: bettina-bonkas.com/kontakt
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